FunnyColumns

Life starts at 100

I want to take a moment to wish a belated happy birthday to one of my readers, Ernestine “Ernie” Stripe of San Clemente, Calif., who recently turned 95. She was born in 1914, about six years before women in America were given the right to vote.

Ah, the good old days.

Well, perhaps they weren’t so good. I believe in equality. Women should have the right to vote, and men should have the right to wear pantyhose. Hey, it’s only fair.

Truth is, every period has its challenges. One of the challenges we face today is what to do with all the old people. No, I’m not talking about Ernie. She’s a youngster compared to Mary Josephine Ray of New Hampshire, who is 114 and once again enjoying her teen years. (She’s got the Jonas Brothers on her iPod.)

Mary was born on May 17, 1895, just a week after Kama Chinen of Japan, who is currently the oldest person in the world. They’re among a group of at least 75 people in the world who are 110 or older, all born in the 19th century, all surviving two World Wars, the Great Depression, and six M. Night Shyamalan movies.

Fired for being fat

Air India is trimming its staff, so to speak. It has fired 10 flight attendants for weighing too much, a move that could save the airline millions of rupees in fuel costs. Well, perhaps not, but the airline apparently believes it will benefit in three other ways:

(1) More young men will fly Air India. After all, their primary reason for flying is not to reach a particular destination, but to check out the flight crew.

(2) No more emergency landings. "Mayday, mayday! This is Captain Suresh. We need to make an emergency landing. One of our flight attendants is stuck in the washroom!"

(3) Less food to take on board. It's hard enough to keep passengers fed; who wants to worry about flight attendants who gain a pound or two during each break?

Sheila Joshi, 51, an Air India hostess with 27 years of service who lodged an unsuccessful petition with India's High Court to declare the airline's weight policy unconstitutional, said: "It is incredibly upsetting that working women are being targeted. This is not a modelling job; we are not working a catwalk."

Mrs Joshi, who at 5ft 3in (1.6 metres) can weigh a maximum of 63.5kg (10 stones) under Air India's rules, successfully dieted down from 66kg when the airline abolished the “three kilos' grace” it had previously allowed its employees two years ago. For those who lost the battle of the bulge, however, there was no leniency. “Now, if you are just ten grams over it's goodbye,” Mrs Joshi said. “It's ridiculous: weight is not an infectious disease.” [Link]

I sympathize with Joshi, but unfortunately, Air India is not the only airline that imposes weight restrictions on its flight attendants. Here, for example, is a photo of a Kingfisher Airlines flight attendant:

The foreigners are at fault again

I've been a foreigner or immigrant in a few countries and, let me tell you, it's not always easy. In Zambia, where I grew up, strangers would occasionally call me "mwenye," a term for Indians that's not too endearing. In America, a few people, unhappy that I criticized the Iraq War and other U.S. policies, have sent me emails saying, "If you don't like it here, then go back to where you came from." (I tried to go back to where I came from, but there just wasn't enough space in my mother's womb.) In Canada, I've yet to experience any xenophobia, aside from a rather unpleasant encounter with a border official, an older lady who talked to my wife and I as though we were dogs. I can't tell you how much I felt like biting her.

The vast majority of people in Zambia and North America have treated me well, so it's easy to overlook the slights. I really can't complain, considering what other foreigners or immigrants have had to endure around the world. Just look at what's happening in South Africa, where mobs are attacking Zimbabweans and other foreigners.

Many of those who have sought refuge in police stations, churches and community halls are Zimbabweans, who have fled violence and poverty at home.

Up to three million Zimbabweans are thought to be in South Africa.

The BBC's Caroline Hawley in Johannesburg says the immigrants have become a scapegoat for social problems, such as unemployment, crime and a lack of housing. [Link]

In almost every country, there's a segment of the population that isn't doing well, a segment that's struggling to make ends meet. It's easy for these people (and others) to blame foreigners for their problems. Who else are they going to blame -- the government?

Native American (sipping a Budweiser): "If it wasn't for white people, I'd have a job!"

White American (sipping a Corona): "Well, if it wasn't for Mexicans, I'd have a job!"

Mexican-American (sipping a Red Stripe): "Well, if it wasn't for Jamaicans, I'd have a job!"

Jamaican-American: "Excuse me, guys. It's closing time. Time to go home now."

Mexican-American: "Go home? I'm tired of people telling me to go home. This is my home."

White American: "No, you're wrong. This is my home. I've lived here longer than you."

Native American: "No, both of you are wrong. This is my home. My ancestors were here before anyone decided to build a bar here."

Even if you were born in a particular country, you might still be considered a foreigner, especially if you don't look like the majority, as Hanif Adams realized recently when he tried unsuccessfully to become president of the Football Association of Zambia. A number of commenters on one Zambian blog thought of him as "just a mwenye." Others, thankfully, saw no merit in focusing on his race.

Look at the developed nations and see why they are so successful. America, Canada, the UK thrives on the expertise of immigrants. They embrace people from all walks of life and races in their development. You are going to write off someone with a proven administrative record just because he is of Indian race? [Link]

Embrace people from all walks of life and races? What a foreign concept.

Photo by Robotson

Jehovah's Witnesses ringing my doorbell again

Many years ago, when your doorbell rang in North America, it was probably a door-to-door salesman, someone trying to sell you the latest household gadget, something that was bound to transform your life, such as a vacuum cleaner powerful enough to not only clean your carpet, but also scare the bejesus out of your dog.

These days, when your doorbell rings, it's probably one of three kinds of people: (1) politicians trying to get you to vote for them; (2) children selling candy to raise money for a school activity or other good cause; or (3) Jehovah's Witnesses trying to save you from eternal damnation.

I got a visit from the latter this morning, a pair of determined fellas who were making the rounds despite bone-chilling weather. They were warmed by the spirit, I suppose. One of them asked if he could read a verse of scripture to me. "Sure," I said. Had they been salesmen, I would have probably said "no thanks" and closed the door. But I don't like to mess with religious people, just in case they have hidden powers. These guys, for example, would probably have the power to get their entire congregation to ring my doorbell. I'd never get any sleep. So anyway, the guy read a verse of scripture, then handed me two magazines, The Watchtower and, as if to threaten me, Awake! "They're very good magazines," the other guy said, as though he was trying to sell me a subscription. I nodded, took the magazines and said goodbye, wondering if I should put the magazines in the same place as I put the previous ones.

When I take my car for an oil change, they usually put a sticker on the windshield inscribed with the odometer reading, so I know when to have the next oil change. I wish the Jehovah's Witnesses would do that -- put a sticker on my door that says: "Last visited on March 1, 2008. Received a scripture reading and copies of the magazines." That way, I wouldn't be due for another visit until March 1, 2009. And when that date rolls around, I could get my wife to open the door.

Photo by Dan Patterson

Be somebody: Learn the art of self-promotion

You may not have heard of Dr. Madhav Sinha, but he's an accomplished engineer in Winnipeg who is about to receive a top award from the American Society of Quality. Alison Mayes of the Winnipeg Free Press recently profiled Sinha, showing us that he's big on quality and just as big on himself.

He isn't what you'd call modest, remarking that "You can Google me for days and days." But he says Canadians are too modest as a nation, and that holds us back. [Link]

I don't know about you, but I don't have time to Google engineers, especially since I'm just too busy Googling swimsuit models. Sinha shouldn't rely on Google to get the word out on his greatness. He needs to enroll in the Sheeraz Hasan School of Self-Promotion. The first lesson: Get celebrities to say a few words about you.

A few years ago, Sheeraz Hasan was working the nightshift at his family’s London café and milkshake bar. Today, he has built a worldwide media empire, as the Founder and CEO of www.Hollywood.tv the biggest name in entertainment, and www.Sports.tv the biggest name in sports and now Tom Cruise call’s Sheeraz “The American Dream” and Aishwarya Rai calls him "The connection between Hollywood and Bollywood". [Link]

See how it works, Dr. Sinha? All you need are two websites and you can have a worldwide media empire. You can make Rupert Murdoch shake in his boots.

The second lesson: Get people to give you impressive-sounding awards and titles, even if they make no sense whatsoever.

At the 2005 Bollywood Awards, also known as ‘The Indian Oscars’ appointed Sheeraz ‘Hollywood Ambassador to Bollywood’ for his outstanding work in bridging the two largest film industries in the world, Hollywood and Bollywood. He was also given their prestigious ‘American Dream’ award. [Link]

Hollywood Ambassador to Bollywood? You hear that, Dr. Sinha? With a little effort, you can become the 'Hollywood Ambassador to Engineering.'

The third lesson: Write an autobiography.

In 2006, Sheeraz launched his personal autobiography, “Sheeraz the Muslim American Dream’” which is an emotional, spiritual and gripping love story describing Sheeraz’s rags to riches success story in America.  Through his autobiography, Sheeraz is creating a positive image for Muslims around the world and his book and story has received the highest acclaim worldwide. The book received the highly esteemed “Best Autobiography” award at the 2006 Bollywood Awards held in Trinidad in front of a live audience of 20,000 and televised to millions of viewers around the world. [Link]

If the Bollywood Awards are handing out "Best Autobiography" awards, how come the Pulitzer Prizes don't have a "Best Bollywood Actor" category?

But that question isn't really relevant to you, Dr. Sinha. What's relevant is the fact that, with just a little bit of effort, you should be able to get the Bollywood Awards to give you a very prestigious award: "Most Googled Engineer."

Which country would make you happy?

Does the country you live in affect your happiness? Of course it does, at least to an extent. But there's no easy formula, as blogger Ethan Zuckerman writes in his review of Eric Weiner's book "The Geography of Bliss."

There are some interesting geographic patterns to happiness. Impoverished and wartorn nations are generally not happy places. Scandinavian and Alpine nations are, for the most part. You might conclude that cold, rich nations are the places to be if you’d like to be happy. But making generalizations in this field is difficult. Many of the former Soviet states are cold, and most rank very low in happiness. Money’s not guaranteed to help either. There’s an "East-Asian Happiness Gap", where wealthy East Asian nations are a lot less happy than you’d expect given their wealth. [Link]

I'd rather be poor in a country that gives me freedom than rich in a country that's restrictive. I'd hate to live in a country that controls the media or chops off the hands of thieves. I'd hate to live in a country where women don't have much freedom, not just the freedom to work and move around freely, but also the freedom to wear bikinis.

Weiner gives us intriguing hints at the state of the art of happiness research, writing at some length about “the hedonic treadmill", a concept coined by Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell, who were studying the happiness of lottery winners and accident victims. Unsurprisingly, the lottery winners were quite happy, and the paralyzed accident victims unhappy. But over time, both returned to levels quite close to their happiness before these surprising developments. [Link]

Yeah, we humans quickly adjust to our circumstances. That 52-inch high-definition TV might make you happy for a few days, but you'll soon get used to it and it won't seem so big anymore, especially when your friend Abdul buys an 80-inch model, the bastard.

Most people believe that acquiring a bit more money would make them happy; they tend to find that acquiring wealth is a trap, as they always want a bit more (hence, the treadmill.) There’s an exception - people who are truly impoverished will see their happiness increase with increased income. But this effect maxes out at a surprisingly low level, around $15,000 in annual income. [Link]

Once your basic needs are met, more money isn't going to make you much happier. I know this because one of my friends has satisfied all his basic needs, including a basic cable package and a basic model BMW.

Photo by i.embrace

More babies in America, white, black and brown

Most developed countries want people to have babies, lots of them. They want the babies to grow up, get jobs, pay taxes and help support the elderly. But people in countries such as Canada, Italy and Japan are just not having enough babies, perhaps because of all the costs and effort involved. They don't want to spend a fortune on baby formula and diapers; they don't want to clean up when the baby throws up the formula and finds a gap in the diaper.

In America, however, people are starting to have more babies -- or so it seems.

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP)  -- Bucking the trend in many other wealthy industrialized nations, the United States seems to be experiencing a baby boomlet, reporting the largest number of children born in 45 years.

The nearly 4.3 million births in 2006 were mostly due to a bigger population, especially a growing number of Hispanics. That group accounted for nearly one-quarter of all U.S. births. But non-Hispanic white women and other racial and ethnic groups were having more babies, too. [Link]

When a woman goes into labor, it's her panic; when she gives birth, it's Hispanic. Or something like that.

An Associated Press review of birth numbers dating to 1909 found the total number of U.S. births was the highest since 1961, near the end of the baby boom. ...

Experts believe there is a mix of reasons: a decline in contraceptive use, a drop in access to abortion, poor education and poverty.

There are cultural reasons as well. Hispanics as a group have higher fertility rates -- about 40 percent higher than the U.S. overall. And experts say Americans, especially those in middle America, view children more favorably than people in many other Westernized countries.

"Americans like children. We are the only people who respond to prosperity by saying, `Let's have another kid,"' said Nan Marie Astone, associate professor of population, family and reproductive health at Johns Hopkins University. [Link]

The only people? That really surprised me, so I decided to find out how people in other countries respond to prosperity:

Canada: "Let's have another snowblower."

India: "Let's have another cow."

England: "Let's have another war."

France: "Let's have another bath."

Ireland: "Let's have another beer."

Saudi Arabia: "Let's have another wife."

Tossing the food in the trash bin

It never ceases to amaze me how much food is wasted in wealthy countries. The amount of food people leave on their plates in restaurants and cafeterias could probably feed the entire National Football League. Perhaps even Andy Reid.

It's not just customers who toss out food. It's also stores and restaurants. At the grocery store I frequent, at least a tenth of the produce goes to waste, by my estimation. The store does put old produce on a discount shelf, but often too late. Not many customers want to buy a pound of mold, even if it does come with a few strawberries around it. Food is also wasted at the deli. I've seen them toss out a whole pizza because it was sitting around for too long. I wish they'd do the same with some of their employees.

Having lived in developing countries, I'm reluctant to throw out food. I've seen poor people eating whatever they could get their hands on. I've seen poor people going through trash bins for food. So you'll forgive me if I try to finish every morsel on my plate -- and sometimes my children's plates too. If we're at a restaurant, we'll almost always take leftover food home in a "doggy bag," even if I have to bark at the waiter to get one.

I'm glad I don't work for a company that serves food. I'd have trouble throwing it out, especially when it's untouched by a customer. I'd probably end up being fired or suspended, like a certain British Airways steward.

British Airways have suspended a cabin crew steward for eating a muffin that was discarded on a passenger's meal tray, it was reported today.

BA are treating the incident as theft after he was reported at Heathrow airport on Monday.

The man's collegues are furious with the decision, branding the airline 'heavy handed' and accused them of acting like a 'police state'.

One BA worker told The Sun: "The cabin crew member on a long-haul flight took a muffin destined for the bin.

"Now his career hangs in the balance. Everyone is up in arms - it is a disgusting way to treat a member of staff." [Link]

I'm not sure if the steward was really hungry -- or just didn't want the muffin to go to waste. Whatever the case, it shouldn't be a crime, as long as the steward wasn't walking down the aisle, stuffing the muffin in his mouth, dropping crumbs into people's hair.

What's really a crime is that so much food ends up in the trash bin, when there are so many people who would love to have it -- and not just Andy Reid.

'Tis the season for charity and goodwill

Christmas is around the corner, so please go through your pantry and fill a bag with any food you don't need. Then take it to the collection site at the grocery store, church or school. Yes, it's time to feed the homeless again.

I know what you're thinking: "Didn't we feed them just a month ago? Don't tell me they're hungry again!"

I'm afraid they are. They've used up all the calories from the Thanksgiving meal, so we've promised to give them another feast on Christmas Day. We're going to make them eat tons of food, so they won't get hungry for another year or two.

BROOKSVILLE - Kathi Collison owns a business on the south side of the city's biggest intersection and goes to church less than a quarter mile east of that same corner.

A few blocks up the road, toward downtown, there is a group of homeless people who push carts, sleep in sleeping bags and canvass the area for food. Collison never realized that until recently.

She and several of her clients are pitching in to give them a hot meal on Christmas Eve.
[Link]

It's important to feed the homeless during Christmas. We can't let them starve to death. How can we celebrate Christmas when there are a bunch of bodies lying around? If homeless people are going to die, let them die in January or February. (Well, any day except Valentine's Day.) We won't feel guilty then. After all, we fed them twice a year.

Photo by Jef Poskanzer

New Jersey's going to stop killing them

I used to be a proponent of the death penalty, but that was back in the 1990s, when my brain was still recovering from college. These days, I believe that nobody should be put to death, not even Ann Coulter. So I'm thrilled that New Jersey is about to kill the death penalty.

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - New Jersey is preparing to scrap the death penalty next week, becoming the first U.S. state to legislatively abolish capital punishment since the U.S. Supreme Court reinstated it in 1976.     State legislators will vote on Monday and Thursday on bills that would end the death penalty and substitute life without parole for the most serious crimes. Lawmakers say the measure is likely to be approved. ...

New Jersey, with eight people on death row, has not executed anyone since 1963. [Link]

Those eight people must be feeling very relieved.

First inmate: "Hurray! We're getting life without parole!"

Second inmate: "Life without parole? I wish it was life without gruel."

Thirty-seven American states and the federal government have the death penalty but its use has fallen in recent years. The number of death sentences handed down fell by 60 percent from 1999 to 2006 while the number of executions dropped by 40 percent over the same period, according to the Death Penalty Information Center, a Washington research group.

The United States executed 53 people in 2006, the lowest number for 10 years, and the total is expected to fall this year to 42, said Richard Dieter of the DPIC. [Link]

That's good to hear. A civilized country shouldn't be executing people. I mean, if we really want to punish people severely, why not just make them listen to John Tesh? On second thought, that might be too inhumane.

Watch what you do in a foreign country

If you're in Sudan, don't you dare name a teddy bear Muhammad. If you're in Saudi Arabia, don't you dare hold hands in public with the opposite sex. And if you're in India, don't you dare kiss Shilpa Shetty. Those are just some of the examples Mark McCrum cites in his fascinating article about cultural differences in the Telegraph.

Some high-profile gaffes highlight intercultural messes that any of us could get into. In June, Cameron Diaz pitched up at Peru's Machu Picchu ruins carrying a bag with the Maoist slogan "Serve the People".

In a country that had been terrorised by the Maoist Shining Path guerrillas, this caused major upset. Diaz was forced to issue a statement apologising "to anyone I may have inadvertently offended". She had picked up the bag in China and didn't even know what the slogan meant, let alone its significance. [Link]

"Serve the People" -- isn't that SouthWest Airlines' slogan? No, wait, it's "Serve the peanuts."

Even the most powerful corporations have fallen into similar heffalump traps. When Pepsico launched in China with the cheery slogan "Come alive with Pepsi", it little realised it would come out in Chinese as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead". [Link]

Coke tried to promote itself as "the real thing," but in Chinese, it came out as "your thing is real."

The Italian car firm Fiat's launch of "the stylish Pinto" in Argentina was somewhat compromised by the local slang use of "pinto" for the male organ. [Link]

Ah, that explains why the Vice President is known in Argentina as Pinto Cheney.

I don't know about you, but I'll never be able to eat pinto beans again.

Similarly, the Dublin-based makers of the after-dinner liqueur Irish Mist were probably foolish not to have realised that "mist" in German means "manure". [Link]

Irish Mist sold fairly well in Germany, but many people complained that, instead of getting bigger, their tomato plants kept falling over.

Gestures are another area where care must be taken. As George W Bush stood watching his second inaugural parade in January 2005, he held up a fist with the forefinger and little finger extended.

Where he comes from, this is the victory salute of the University of Texas Longhorns, the "hook 'em horns". Not so in Italy, where the same sign can imply that a man is a cuckold. In Norway, it's the sign of the devil, more often used by fans of dodgy heavy metal groups than world leaders. [Link]

Tourist: "You Norwegians consider that the sign of the devil, don't you?"

Norwegians: "Not anymore. These days, it's even worse than that."

Tourist: "Worse than that?"

Norwegian: "Yeah, it's the sign of Bush."

The millionaire who shops at the thrift store

Can money bring you happiness? Only to a certain extent, I say. Only until your basic needs are met. If you have to walk three miles to work, buying a Honda Civic may make you happy, especially if the boss gives you a parking spot. But after you've driven the Civic for a year, don't think you'd be much happier if you bought an SUV. Sure, you might be happier for the first week or two, but after your friends are done complimenting you, your level of happiness won't be much different than before. It might even be lower, when you realize that to afford all the extra gas you're using, you have to eat Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It shouldn't surprise you, then, that some people give all their money away and live a somewhat ascetic lifestyle.

Travel company operator Hal Taussig buys his clothes from thrift shops, resoles his shoes and reads magazines for free at the public library.

The 83-year-old founder of Untours also gives away all of his company's profits to help the poor -- more than $5 million since 1999. He is content to live on Social Security.

Taussig takes a salary of $6,000 a year from his firm, but doesn't keep it. It goes to a foundation that channels his company's profits to worthy causes in the form of low-interest loans. (About seven years ago, the IRS forced him to take a paycheck, he said, because they thought he was trying to avoid paying taxes by working for free.)

If he has money left at the end of the month in his personal bank account, he donates it.

At a time of the year when many people are asked to give to the poor, Taussig provides a model for year-round giving.

''I could live a very rich life on very little money. My life is richer than most rich people's lives,'' he said. ''I can really do something for humanity.'' [Link]

Taussig could afford to have a limousine take him to work every day, but what does he do instead? He rides a bike. So if you happen to see an old man riding a bike, wearing resoled shoes and second-hand clothes, try not to look down on him -- no matter how high your SUV is.

Photo by greenfantasy

You can't say that, Santa

Santas have been saying "ho, ho, ho" for ages, but some in Australia are being told that it's just not right anymore.

Santas across Sydney are rebelling against attempts to ban their traditional greeting of "ho, ho, ho" in favour of "ha, ha, ha".

Recruitment firm Westaff - which supplies hundreds of Santas across the country - has told its trainees that the "ho ho ho" phrase could frighten children and could even be derogatory to women.

Two Santa hopefuls reportedly quit the course because of the hullabaloo of the ho, ho, ho.

One would-be Santa has told The Daily Telegraph he was taught not to use "ho, ho, ho" because it was too close to the American slang for prostitute. He also quit. [Link]

Girl: "Daddy, Santa called me a ho."

Dad: "He did?"

Girl: "Yes, Daddy. Three times!"

Dad: "Three times? Let me have a word with him. Hey Santa!"

Santa: "Ho, ho, ho!"

Dad: "You calling me a ho?"

Santa: "Ha, ha, ha!"

Dad: "You think it's funny?"

Santa: "No, no, no!"

Dad: "Then why did you say that? You shouldn't be calling anyone a ho." (Pulls Santa's beard)

Santa: "Ow, ow, ow!"

Photo by ophotn

Let's turn our clocks back more often

If you live in North America, Europe or Australia, you know all about daylight saving time, the idea of switching your clocks forward an hour in the spring and back an hour in the fall. DST has benefits, as well as drawbacks.

Adding daylight to afternoons generally benefits retailing, sports, and other activities that exploit sunlight after working hours, but it can cause problems for farmers and others whose hours depend on the sun. Extra afternoon daylight appears to cut traffic fatalities; its effect on health and crime is less clear. An early goal was to reduce evening usage of incandescent lighting, formerly a primary use of electricity; nowadays, though, DST sometimes increases overall electricity costs and peak demand. [Wikipedia]

I like DST in the spring, because the days are longer and we can stay outdoors past 9 p.m. But in the fall, the only thing I like is the extra hour of sleep we get on the night we make the switch. My wife felt so refreshed last Sunday, when we made the switch, that she wondered why we don't turn the clocks back an hour every month. Sure, after 24 months, we'd have moved back a whole day, but we can adjust for that. For example, every other year, we can skip Valentine's Day entirely, just go from Feb. 13 to Feb. 15. That would be a great solution -- and I think I speak for all men.

Switching our clocks back every month may confuse people, but that can be a good thing. For example, some years ago, one of my out-of-town friends, who's perpetually late, arrived at my place 20 minutes early. I was rather surprised, until I learned the reason for this extraordinary happening: he had forgotten to switch his clocks back that day. He thought he was 40 minutes late. If we did a monthly switch, he'd be early far more often.

When miles are better than kilometers

The metric system is easier to use than the imperial one, but it's not necessarily better. Would you rather be stopped by the police going 180 kilometers per hour or 112 miles per hour? I'd choose the latter -- and so would David Clarke of Ireland.

DUBLIN, Ireland (AP) - When police caught driver David Clarke flying down a road at 180 kilometers per hour this month, he looked likely to lose his license.

But a country judge reduced the charge and let the 31-year-old information technology worker stay on the road after concluding the speed did not look as bad when converted into miles, or 112 mph. ...

McLoughlin was quoted as saying the speed seemed "very excessive," but did not look "as bad" when converted into miles. He lowered the charge to driving carelessly, and fined him euro1,000 ($1,450); if convicted of the tougher charge of driving dangerously, Clarke would have lost his license. [Link]

Phew! Saved by the imperial system. He gets to keep his license, but I'm sure he wishes the judge had fined him £696, instead of euro1,000. Then again, it could have been far worse. He could have been fined 56,879 rupees. That's a lot of money!

The episode underscored Ireland's slow mental conversion to metric. Ireland switched its speed limits from miles to kilometers in January 2005, but most cars still display speeds principally in miles. [Link]

I'm glad my car's odometer is in miles, not kilometers. It has 69,000 miles and doesn't seem old. If it had 110,000 kilometers, I'd be thinking of dropping it off at Goodwill.

Photo by Chris Campbell