Nshima & Curry

Bacronyms from Bhargava

B.D. Bhargava of Agra, India, has created what he says is the world's first and only dictionary of bacronyms. According to Wikipedia, a bacronym is "a phrase that is constructed 'after the fact' from a previously existing word or abbreviation, the abbreviation being an initialism or an acronym."

Bhargava's collection, which he created with help from his daughter, includes more than 4,000 words, which is pretty impressive, considering that some of the words are quite long. I've occasionally tried creating bacronyms for my columns, without knowing that I was bacronyming:

When it came to inventing things, Dongah was out of his element, overshadowed by a caveman named Hongah, widely considered the greatest inventor of his time, having created what he called the "female-impressing raging energy" (FIRE). Unfortunately for Hongah, fire didn't impress many women, partly because they could no longer relax in the evening. They were now expected to cook. [Link]

I couldn't imagine coming up with more than 4,000 bacronyms, so I tip my hat to Bhargava, who, at 75, has a rather inventive mind.

Here are some examples of Bhargava's bacronyms, a few of them rather amusing:

ACTION: Anticipating Certain Trouble Initiate Operation Now.

BEST: By Every Standard Tops

BLARE: Blow Loudly Almost Ruining Eardrums

BOW: Bend Over Willingly

CLIP: Conveniently Lock In Place

CRAM: Constantly Repeat And Memorize.

DATE: Dote Around Touching Erotically 

DIG: Doggedly Impact Ground 

EAR: Earliest Audio Receptor

FLOP: Film Low On Popularity

PACK: Pile And Cautiously Keep

PATIENCE: Perseverance And Tolerance In Extremely Nasty Circumstances Even

RIP: Ruin Items Permanently 

STOMACH: Sensitive Turbulent Organ, Metabolism Activity Conducted Here

UMPIRE Unusually Meticulous Person, Imposes Rules Expertly

VOTE: Voice Of The Electorate

(More bacronyms can be seen at his blog. Email him at bdtara@yahoo.com)

Column: Good spelling saves some yelling

Because I'm Indian, many people assume I'm good at spelling. After all, six of the last 10 winners of the National Spelling Bee are of Indian descent and three of them are now making millions on the PSA (Professional Spelling Association) tour.

Unfortunately, I'm a terrible speller. It's a good thing I can do a spell-check on my computer or I'd really embrace myself.

Spelling is a good skill to have -- and not just for writers. If you can't spell words correctly, your boss might give you a peace of his mind. And as a result, you won't have any piece of mind.

Spelling is particularly important in certain professions. If you're a tattoo artist, for example, it's a good idea to know how to spell because -- and I'm going out on a limb here -- few of your customers will be former spelling bee champions. Customers can get quite angry when they discover they have a permanent misspelling on their posterior.

Customer: "You idiot! Look what you wrote: 'My hart belongs to Tommy.'"

Tattoo artist (scratching head): "What's wrong with that?"

Customer: "It's supposed to be Tammy!"

Tattoo artist: "No problem, dude. I'll just change the O to an A. It won't look too bad."

Customer: "Okay, man. And I'll do the same with your check -- change the 0 to an A. It won't look too bad."

Sign makers need speling lesons

I love the spell-checker on my computer. If it wasn't for that, I'd be making lots of spelling mistakes. I'm particularly inept when it comes to double letters: Is it aggressive or agressive or aggresive or agresive? They all look pretty good to me.

It's a pity there isn't a spell-checker for signs. Some people could really use it. Actually, perhaps it's not such a pity. It does allow us to laugh occasionally. Or is it ocasionaly?

Someone forgot to use spell-check on the state’s newest historical marker in Santa Fe.

The state just put up the marker honoring the four sisters of Loretto.

The marker is supposed to honor the push for education made by the nuns.

But the marker misspells Loretto.

To top it off, the second “n” is missing from the word known.

The Department of Transportation said a private company that made the marker is to blame. [Link]

Perhaps the department should not have accepted a bid from "Econocomical Sign Manufacters."

His Indian accent gets him some English money

The Indian accent just doesn't get enough respect in the West. Some people make fun of it, others just don't understand it. A man with a thick Indian accent wouldn't be able to order pizza in America.

Indian man: "I yam vanting a large peeja please."

Waitress: "Picture? We don't have pictures here.'

Man: "No, peeja! I yam vanting peeja!"

Waitress: "Pee jar? Sorry sir, we don't allow that here. You'll have to use the restroom."

The Indian accent is even getting the short end of the stick in India.

LONDON, Nov. 28 An Indian-born British man dismissed from a New Delhi call center for not sounding English enough has won a discrimination lawsuit in England.

Chetankumar Meshram, 27, works for the Talk Talk Direct telecommunications company in Northampton, and last year accepted a two-month transfer to New Delhi to work in the company's call center.

However, just three weeks into the job, he was told his accent "wasn't English enough" and he had to return home, The Times of London reported Wednesday.

"I know I speak with an accent but my job out there was to give technical advice, not to give expertise on how to communicate," said Meshram, who was born in India, and emigrated to England two years ago, the report said. [Link]

I wonder whom he was giving technical advice to. Was it Indians, Britons or Indians pretending to be Britons?

The Bedford Employment Tribunal agreed with his claim he had suffered both direct and indirect discrimination and awarded him $10,000 compensation for hurt feelings and expenses. [Link]

Only ten grand? The man lost his job and had "hurt feelings"! Surely his "hurt feelings" alone are worth 50 grand. And if he's married, his wife probably had "hurt feelings" too. And what about his children? What about his parents? What about his dog? All those "hurt feelings" should add up to a million bucks.

I wonder what he's going to do with the money. I hope he isn't going to use it for "accent-reduction" surgery. Having an Indian accent could be really useful in the future, especially when India starts outsourcing its jobs to the West.