Nshima & Curry

Watch out Bono, here comes Moyo

Bono, the U2 singer, believes that western nations should give aid to Africa. Dambisa Moyo does not. She may not be as famous as Bono, but just wait. The Zambian-born, Oxford-educated economist is going places -- and making a lot of people sweat.

Galled by the ease with which Dambisa Moyo, the Zambian economist and former investment banker, has suddenly risen to prominence this year, activists are circulating detailed critiques of her ideas and mass mailing African non-government organisations to mobilise support against her.

Yet it is proving hard to suppress the hyperactive graduate of Oxford and Harvard, who pops up weekly in a new capital to promote her book Dead Aid- the title itself an affront to rock star Bob Geldof's Live Aid campaigns.

The former Goldman Sachs strategist has become something of a phenomenon. In April, she hit the New York Times bestseller list; this month she was named on Time Magazine's list of the 100 most influential people, and has been appointed to the board of brewer SAB Miller.

Within days of reading about her, Paul Kagame, Rwanda's president, flew Ms Moyo out to address his government. This month, Col Muammar Gadaffi, the Libyan leader, invited her to Tripoli. [Link]

Dambisa, please don't go to Tripoli. Gadaffi may say he's interested in your ideas, but what do you think he said to those other pretty women he invited to Tripoli? Trust me, you aren't going to sell a lot of books with the name "Dambisa Gadaffi."

Broadly, Ms Moyo argues that official development assistance has fostered dependency and perpetuated poor governance. She proposes a blend of commercial debt, microfinance, fairer trade and investment in its place.

Her ideas are not especially new. But the publicity she has attracted poses challenges to an industry accustomed to having the most vocal campaigners on its side. Activists fear that in Ms Moyo, developed countries seeking an excuse to slash aid budgets, have found one at a time that Africa is especially in need. They dismiss her book as simplistic - even dangerous. Some critics claim her ideas are gaining prominence because of the novelty of a passionate, young African woman taking on the aid establishment. [Link]

She's not just young and passionate, she's also smart, attractive and eloquent, a deadly combination. Not that I agree with her. I think that aid can work -- if it goes to the right projects, if it doesn't end up in politicians' pockets. Those are big IFs. Here's a bigger IF: Bono could easily win a debate against Moyo -- if she happens to have a bad case of laryngitis.

Amobi Okoye gives back to Nigeria

Pro football players are always getting into trouble with the law. At least that's how it seems. Just take a look at the typical NFL player's speed dial: 1. Lawyer; 2. Attorney; 3. Counsel; 4. Bail bondsman. 

That's why it's so refreshing to read about the good guys -- and there are more good guys in the NFL than bad guys, no matter what you might read in the police blotter. Take Amobi Okoye, for example. The 21-year-old Houston Texans defensive end is giving back to his motherland, Nigeria, in a big way.

He will take a short break from working out at Reliant Stadium to return to Nigeria. Traveling with fellow NFL players, including Oakland’s Nnamdi Asomugha, the New York Giants’ Osi Umenyiora and Chicago’s Tommie Harris, Okoye will embark on another nine-day mission funded mostly by himself.

He will hand out 20 more C.A.T.E. (Changing Africa Through Education) scholarships to 10 girls and 10 boys heading to universities in Nigeria. The players also will conduct two football camps. [Link]

It's a great program, even if one boy got slapped by his girlfriend for wearing a T-shirt that said "I LOVE CATE."

The six doctors and seven nurses traveling with the group will offer free clinics to Nigerians in need, and Okoye will present his plans for his newest project — a type of prep school that would possibly be located in the capital city of Abuja.

“We want to build an academy,” Okoye said. “It’s an academy that would excel in sports and academics, with football, soccer and tennis being the major sports of concentration. It would also teach the other Olympic sports. [Link]

The academy may help Nigeria produce many more NFL players whose names Americans can't pronounce. As ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli pointed out a few years ago, "Of all the emerging African countries, it is Nigeria, it seems, that is foremost in emerging as a hothouse for developing athletes capable of performing at the NFL level."

Amobi Okoye, Nnamdi Asomugha, Osi Umenyiora, Adewale Ogunleye, Victor Adeyanju ... if you can say those names quickly 20 times, then you'd better contact Fox Sports. They're looking for a good NFL announcer.

There's so much you can do with your head

You don't have to go to a circus to see amazing feats. Just check out this Bangladeshi brick mover (via Ultrabrown):

When that man was growing up, his parents kept saying to him: "Use your head, son! Use your head!"

Meanwhile, my wife keeps saying to me, "Why don't you ever use your head?"

It's incredible what people can do with their heads. They can carry baskets of groceries:

 

They can carry 100 lb bags of charcoal, while also carrying a baby:

 

They can carry television sets:
 

And they can carry new $2,500 Indian cars:

Basket photo by Nir Nussbaum; charcoal photo by Mansir Petrie; TV photo by Max-thinks-sees.

Flight of the Obama relatives

Kenya Airways Flight KQ102 had just left Jomo Kenyatta International Airport in Nairobi, bound for London. The chief flight attendant, John Mburu, glanced at the manifest and was pleased to see that almost every passenger on the flight was named Obama. There was a George Obama, a Yusuf Obama, a Miriam Obama, even a Sanjay Obama.

They must all be going to the inauguration, Mburu thought. He had heard that Barack Obama had 1,432 relatives in Kenya, twice as many as he did before the election.

It made him feel proud, like he was part of history, serving the new president's relatives on the first leg of their journey. Perhaps, when things were quieter in the cabin, he would ask one of the Obamas if they would bring back a souvenir for him, such as an official 2009 Presidential Inauguration bottle of wine.

He couldn't believe how loud it was in the cabin. It was almost midnight, but there was so much chatter and merriment, he could barely hear the engine of the Boeing 777. He decided to walk slowly down the aisle, pretending to check the overhead compartments, hoping to catch snippets of conversation.

“I don’t understand him at all,” a middle-aged man was saying to another in the first row. “He hasn’t offered us any jobs. What kind of African politician is he?”

“That’s the problem,” the second man said. “He isn’t an African politician. He is an African-American politician.”

“But he is African first, then American. Otherwise he would be American-African.”

“You are right, brother. We need to remind him of that. What position would you like?”

“Oh, that’s easy. United States Ambassador to Kenya. What about you?”

“I want to be Special Envoy to the Oprah Winfrey Show.” They both laughed.

Getting Canadian citizenship the easy way

There are three easy ways to get Canadian citizenship: (1) marry a Canadian citizen; (2) get a Canadian family to adopt you; and (3) get your mother to give birth to you while flying over Canada.

Well, the third one isn't so easy, especially if you've already been born. But for at least one baby, it was a cinch.

A transatlantic flight arrived in America with an extra passenger after a Ugandan woman gave birth to a baby girl with the help of two doctors aboard.

Passengers cheered and applauded the arrival of little Sasha aboard Northwest Airlines Flight 59 from Amsterdam to Boston on New Year’s Eve, and even offered the new-born baby food.

The healthy 6 1/2lb infant was immediately taken to Massachusetts General Hospital on landing in Boston. But she is considered a Canadian citizen because she was born in Canadian airspace. [Link]

I'm not sure if her mother is thrilled about that. Perhaps she's saying to herself, "If only I had kept my baby inside me for a few minutes longer, she could have been an American."

It was an eight-hour flight that was normal for the first six hours -- until the woman went into labor. That's when the crew asked if there were any doctors on board.

Dr Paresh Thakker, returning home from his medical school reunion in India, and Dr Natarajan Raman, who had been at a wedding in India, both responded to the call. They found the woman doubled over and wailing in her seat in row 33 with labour pains.

The flight crew asked Dr Thakkar, a former emergency room doctor who now works as the medical director at a Massachusetts health centre, if he wanted the plane to make an emergency landing.

“I said, ’No, let me examine her first. I examined her and the head was coming out. So I said, ’No, it’s an emergency and we will do it here,’ “ he told the Boston Globe. [Link]

It must not have been easy, giving birth on a plane. But then again, how many Ugandan women -- or women of any nationality, for that matter -- get to give birth with two doctors assisting them?

'Nobody' cares about the elderly

My 2-year-old son, Rahul, is still in diapers, which means that at least once a day, there's some heavy-duty wiping to do. Even when his mother is home from work, he insists that his stay-at-home Dad does the honors. It's his way of rewarding me, I suppose. Since I feed him during the day, taking care of the input, he doesn't want me to miss out on the output.

My 4-year-old daughter, Divya, often shows up to watch the diaper-changing, like a raccoon drawn to a foul smell. She doesn't just watch, of course. She has to offer some commentary, usually in the form of one word: "YUCK!"

Yuck is right. It can be pretty yucky, but all parents have to do it, except the ones who have nannies to handle it for them. I feel sorry for those parents. They'll never have the pleasure of saying to their grown children, "Don't talk to me like that! I used to change your diapers, you know! I used to wipe your butt!"

Nursing assistants who care for the elderly and disabled often have to change diapers too -- and I'm sure it's not a pleasant task. But it's part of their job and they know they're helping people.

Kenyans hope to benefit from Obama's leadership

NAIROBI, KENYA -- A group of Kenyan leaders have started a petition to persuade U.S. President-elect Barack Obama, whose father was Kenyan and who has many relatives in Kenya, to serve as Kenya's president at the same time.

"We heard that he plans to fix America's economy," said Joseph Wambui, president of an organization called KNOB (Kenya Needs Obama Badly). “We want him to fix Kenya’s economy too.”

Almost 50 percent of Kenyans live in poverty, many of them unable to afford basic necessities. "We heard that Obama is the leader of the free world,” said Elizabeth Mbaru, a mother of three. “But there is nothing free in the world. We don't have money to buy it."

Wambui believes that Obama would have no trouble governing Kenya from Washington D.C., especially in the Internet Age. “We are a small country,” Wambui said. “He will be in charge of 50 states, so why not 51?”

Obama is believed to have 1,432 relatives in Kenya, twice as many as he did before he won the election. According to Wambui, Obama can boost Kenya's economy simply by wiring money to all his relatives for Christmas. "That would be a small step," Wambui said. "But if he's our president, we hope he will think of each of us as his relatives."

Many of Obama's relatives plan to attend his inauguration on Jan. 20. “Yes, we will definitely come,” said Anthony Obama, a sixth cousin. “I heard he has a big house. The rooms are so big, we can play football in them."

Added James Obama, a ninth cousin: "Please tell Brother Obama that we are looking forward to travelling in Air Force One. I want a window seat.”

Obama is so popular in Kenya that the country declared a national holiday on Nov. 6 to celebrate his election victory. No other country did so, though French President Nicolas Sarkozy did permit government employees to bring champagne to work.

Obama's victory put Kenyans into such a good mood that the government issued a warning to all hospitals to expect a baby boom in nine months. Many of those babies will be named after Obama and his wife, Michelle. Numerous babies have already been named after the couple. A Mombasa woman named her twins "Barack Obama" and "Michelle Obama," saying the names were just perfect for her boys.

A woman in northern Kenya, hearing that Obama will be the 44th president of America, named her baby daughter "Forty Four," while a Nakuru couple named their baby son "Defeat McCain."

Getting Romantic, the Nigerian way

Okay, I admit it. It's been a long time since I wrote anything romantic. My days of writing romatic poetry are long gone -- and my wife should be thankful for that, because my poetry was as impressive as Al Gore's dancing. These days, I just get my wife a card, one that expresses exactly how I'm feeling. So perhaps I shouldn't be too hard on all the Nigerians who are buying Femi Emmanuel's book "Touching the heart through unforgettable text messages (vol.2)." Thanks to him, here's what might happen:

Your mobile phone beeps, you have received a text message.

It begins: "I swear, I will make sure I give you HIV..."

...

"H is for Happiness and joy forever with an I: Incomparable love that will never V: Vanish until death do us part. I love you," the message concludes. [Link]

What do you think? Funny? Romantic? Both? Perhaps it works in Nigeria, but I don't think it would score high on the romance scale in North America, except perhaps with college students who've had a little too much to drink. I'm not really surprised where Emmanuel gets his inspiration.

"I was watching a Bollywood film and the main actor said to his female lead 'hey baby, I'm a crazy lover'," Mr Emmanuel told the BBC.

"I thought 'that's good,' I paused the DVD and copied down the subtitles."

The text message threatening HIV was inspired by watching a Nigerian film.

"In the film, a man threatened a woman with giving her HIV. I thought how could I turn this acronym into a message?"

"You could send the first sentence on its own," he says.

"You are putting them in suspense, to create fear, and then you follow up with the interpretation that will give them joy and happiness." [Link]

He must be doing something right -- he has sold thousands of copies of his books, bringing himself lots of joy and happiness. Perhaps it's just me who has lost touch with what's considered romantic. After all, check out these "romantic texts" that several BBC readers contributed:

My love for you is like Diarrhea, it flows like a river.
Salan, Dubai

A good friend is like a good bra. Hard to find, comfortable, supportive, prevents you from falling, holds you tight and is always close to your heart. You'll forever be my BRA!
Olawale B, London

u r the only mosquito in my net
Patrick, London [Link]

Perhaps I should try the BRA line on my wife. On second thought, I may never see hers again.

Kirsty Coventry makes a splash for Zimbabwe

Some of my favorite stories from the Olympic Games are about athletes who bring glory to countries that would otherwise enjoy very little limelight. Samuel Matete, the 400m hurdler, is one of those athletes. He won a silver medal at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta and proudly carried the Zambian flag around the stadium, much to my delight.

At the Beijing Olympics, as she did four years earlier, Kirsty Coventry put Zimbabwe near the top of the medal table, giving some of her countrymen their widest smiles since independence.

The Harare-born swimmer has won four medals in Beijing, three silver and one gold, and seven medals in her career, making me wish she had been born just a few hundred miles north.

“Part of the reason I'm still swimming and still motivated is to raise my country's flag high and shine some good, positive light on my country at home,” says Coventry, who refuses to comment publicly on Zimbabwe's divisive political crisis. “I don't know how many athletes have their whole country supporting them. Every time I go home, I have people in the street cheering me.”

Or parents naming newborn sons and daughters after her. Shortly after the Athens Olympics, there was a Swimmingpool Nhanga born in Harare, a Freestyle Zuze, a Breaststroke Musendame, a Butterfly Masocha, a Backstroke Banda. [Link]

Before the Athens Olympics, there was a CantSwim Ndlovu, a DogPaddle Zulu, a BackStrain Banda.

Her grand return to Harare was televised on live TV for two hours. Mugabe presented her with the equivalent of $50,000 U.S. as “pocket money.”

That Coventry is a white girl from a Harare suburb who went to college in the United States and still lives there doesn't seem to matter to the 12 million residents of Zimbabwe, all but a few thousand of whom are black and poor. They consider her one of their own, a lifeline to the rest of the world, a beacon of hope in an ever-darkening existence. [Link]

Coventry could have found a way to swim for the United States, could have made more money in the process, but she didn't. She swam for the country where she was born, where she grew up. And she swam into the hearts of 12 million people.

Column: Appreciate Mandela while you can

Nelson Mandela will turn 90 soon and, much to my dismay, his birthday has not been declared an international holiday. I have no choice but to declare it a personal holiday and spend it thinking about Mandela and the great example of his life, while sipping beer on the couch. Let the wife take out the trash.

Wife: "What are you drinking at this time of the day?"

Me: "It's not what I'm drinking that's important. It's what I'm thinking."

Wife: "I know what you're thinking -- that you need to do more drinking."

Me: "No, I'm thinking about Nelson Mandela. Did you know that he spent 27 years in prison, then came out and reconciled with his oppressors? That means that there's still hope for Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger."

Wife: "Exactly how much have you had to drink?"

Actually, the only beer I drink is ginger beer. But I do occasionally drink wine and I'm hoping to raise a toast to the great man. Of course, one toast may not be enough. I'll probably have to toast him all day.

Me (raising glass): "To Mandela. May he live until he's 125."

Wife: "Isn't that your 125th toast today?"

Me: "Yeah, but don't worry: I'm going to take a break for breakfast. I'm starving."

Wife: "What are you going to have?"

Me: "Toast, of course. So I can raise it in Mandela's honor."

Breaking news: Nader agrees to run against Mugabe

As world leaders call on President Robert Mugabe to postpone Zimbabwe's upcoming election, following the withdrawal of his only opponent, Ralph Nader has agreed to run against Mugabe.

Nader's unexpected candidacy will help restore some credibility to the election, experts say. "It's a win-win situation," said Simon Ndlovu, political science professor at New York University. "Mugabe needed someone to run against. And Nader has always wanted to expand his presidential campaign to other countries."

The election was meant to be a runoff between Mugabe and opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai. But Tsvangirai withdrew from the race earlier this week, citing widespread violence against his supporters. Mugabe, facing criticism from Queen Elizabeth, Nelson Mandela and others, is believed to have reached out to Nader privately.

Nader ran for U.S. president in 1992, 1996, 2000 and 2004, and intends to run again this year, unless he is elected president of Zimbabwe.

Speaking at a press conference, the 74-year-old denied that he was a token candidate, stressing his intention to win the election. Referring to Mugabe as "the old man," Nader said he would bring a "fresh, youthful perspective" to the presidency.

Asked to distinguish himself from Mugabe, Nader was blunt: "My head isn't in the sand."

Noting that Mugabe has ruled Zimbabwe for 28 years, Nader promised to introduce term limits. "In America, presidents are limited to two terms or eight years," he said. "But Zimbabwe, as we all know, is plagued with inflation."

Nader has received a powerful endorsement in his bid to unseat Mugabe: Barack Obama. "Let me just say this," Obama said at a campaign stop in Detroit. "Nothing would make me happier than to see Ralph Nader elected as president of Zimbabwe. I think we can all agree that he would be an improvement over Robert Mugabe. It would be a great outcome for Zimbabwe and, obviously, a great outcome for America."

Paul Varghese and the jungles of Africa

Dear Paul,

We enjoyed your recent performance on Last Comic Standing. It was really funny. We've enjoyed several of your previous performances. We think you're one of the funniest comedians alive. That's why we were thrilled when you mentioned the "jungles of Africa" on Last Comic Standing. It was a great moment for our continent, being promoted like that on American TV.

Ever since your performance, we've received thousands of calls from Americans interested in visiting our jungles and meeting Tarzan and Jane. To show you our gratitude, we'd like to invite you to Africa for a special "Jungle Comedy Tour." All the inhabitants of the jungle are eager to eat meet you.

Sincerely,

Michael Tembo

Tourism Coordinator, African Jungles

David Livingstone didn't discover Victoria Falls

Colleen Simard, a columnist for the Winnipeg Free Press, has written about a tribe of indigenous people in the Amazon who were recently photographed pointing their bows and arrows at a plane. They've apparently lived in seclusion all these years, far from what we consider civilization. Simard, who's a member of Canada's indigenous people, says she cheered for her "brothers and sisters" when she saw the story on national TV.

Some media reports said the tribe had been discovered. Discovered? Now wait a minute. The word discovery wasn't right in Columbus' day, and it shouldn't cut it today either.

The word "discovery" always makes me bristle. It's like we were hiding under rocks like crayfish or something. You're meeting up with a tribe of people, not plants or animals.

It also gives weight to the misguided idea we were just hanging around doing nothing, when actually we had our own governments, cultures, practiced ecological farming and hunting, and had villages and trading systems that spanned the country.

Primitive? I think not.

My interpretation of history is that our ancestors probably saw the newcomers coming from miles away. They probably checked them out pretty good, maybe for a few days or weeks. Then they decided to be friendly and help the newcomers out. It was our way, after all.

We didn't go around saying we "discovered" newcomers, although that's probably a more accurate explanation. [Link]

The word "discovered" doesn't sit well with me either. During my schooldays in Zambia, I learned about a host of European explorers who discovered parts of the world where people were already living.

The Scottish missionary David Livingstone was the chief discoverer of central Africa, walking great distances during his lifetime. He discovered the Zambezi River, he discovered Victoria Falls and he discovered sores on his feet.

Thankfully, his Wikipedia entry merely states that he was "the first European" to see the Victoria Falls, which is a far cry from discovering it. (If you're wondering who has the distinction of being the first Asian to see the Falls, it was some guy from India who didn't hire a good publicist.)

Wikipedia notwithstanding, Livingstone doesn't have to worry about his legacy as a discoverer. He is, after all, the subject of a book by Ben Alex called "David Livingstone: The Missionary Who Discovered Africa." The BBC website says that he "discovered a spectacular waterfall which he named 'Victoria Falls'." Wholesome Words credits him with discovering Lake Nyassa, Lake Moero, Lake 'Ngami, the upper Zambezi, Lake Tanganyika and Lake Bangweulu.

How did Livingstone manage to do so much discovering? The answer might be found in his diary:

November 17th, 1855: "Today, I had the good fortune of meeting a group of natives who took me to see a spectacular waterfall. Upon discovering the falls, I named it after Queen Victoria. Then I asked the natives if there was anything else they would like me to discover. 'Yes,' they said eagerly, and they took me to their village, where an attractive young woman invited me into her hut, saying 'I hear you want to make more discoveries, Dr. Livingstone.'"

The foreigners are at fault again

I've been a foreigner or immigrant in a few countries and, let me tell you, it's not always easy. In Zambia, where I grew up, strangers would occasionally call me "mwenye," a term for Indians that's not too endearing. In America, a few people, unhappy that I criticized the Iraq War and other U.S. policies, have sent me emails saying, "If you don't like it here, then go back to where you came from." (I tried to go back to where I came from, but there just wasn't enough space in my mother's womb.) In Canada, I've yet to experience any xenophobia, aside from a rather unpleasant encounter with a border official, an older lady who talked to my wife and I as though we were dogs. I can't tell you how much I felt like biting her.

The vast majority of people in Zambia and North America have treated me well, so it's easy to overlook the slights. I really can't complain, considering what other foreigners or immigrants have had to endure around the world. Just look at what's happening in South Africa, where mobs are attacking Zimbabweans and other foreigners.

Many of those who have sought refuge in police stations, churches and community halls are Zimbabweans, who have fled violence and poverty at home.

Up to three million Zimbabweans are thought to be in South Africa.

The BBC's Caroline Hawley in Johannesburg says the immigrants have become a scapegoat for social problems, such as unemployment, crime and a lack of housing. [Link]

In almost every country, there's a segment of the population that isn't doing well, a segment that's struggling to make ends meet. It's easy for these people (and others) to blame foreigners for their problems. Who else are they going to blame -- the government?

Native American (sipping a Budweiser): "If it wasn't for white people, I'd have a job!"

White American (sipping a Corona): "Well, if it wasn't for Mexicans, I'd have a job!"

Mexican-American (sipping a Red Stripe): "Well, if it wasn't for Jamaicans, I'd have a job!"

Jamaican-American: "Excuse me, guys. It's closing time. Time to go home now."

Mexican-American: "Go home? I'm tired of people telling me to go home. This is my home."

White American: "No, you're wrong. This is my home. I've lived here longer than you."

Native American: "No, both of you are wrong. This is my home. My ancestors were here before anyone decided to build a bar here."

Even if you were born in a particular country, you might still be considered a foreigner, especially if you don't look like the majority, as Hanif Adams realized recently when he tried unsuccessfully to become president of the Football Association of Zambia. A number of commenters on one Zambian blog thought of him as "just a mwenye." Others, thankfully, saw no merit in focusing on his race.

Look at the developed nations and see why they are so successful. America, Canada, the UK thrives on the expertise of immigrants. They embrace people from all walks of life and races in their development. You are going to write off someone with a proven administrative record just because he is of Indian race? [Link]

Embrace people from all walks of life and races? What a foreign concept.

Photo by Robotson

The creative kids who make wire cars

My kids were watching Sesame Street this morning and I caught a segment called Global Grover, in which the blue monster traveled to South Africa to find out how children make wire cars. It triggered a flood of memories of my childhood in Zambia. We didn't have lots of toys, but somehow managed to have lots of fun, using our creativity and imagination. Some children were adept at making wire cars. I could never make one. I wasn't particularly good with my hands, except when it came to fighting with my sister. I wasn't as talented as 11-year-old Taurai Moyo of Chivamba, Zimbabwe, who was featured in Highlights magazine.

When he was about five years old, Taurai visited his cousin in Harare, the capital of Zimbabwe, and learned to make wire cars. At eight, he was one of the best wire-car makers in his class. Today, he is the best at his school.

Taurai did not keep the skill of making wire cars all to himself. Many of his friends, like twelve-year-old Chenjerai, a talented wire-car maker, were once his students. According to Chenjerai, “What you need are the basic skills of shaping and straightening the wires, but first you have to observe how someone skilled, like Taurai, does it.” [Link]

Observing doesn't always work. I tried observing talented wire-car makers, but my creations always ended up looking like this. Making a good wire car isn't easy. Not only does your car have to move smoothly, it also has to look good. How else are you supposed to impress the young ladies?

Most of the boys can “drive” their cars anywhere they go—to school, church, and shops. Some wire cars are strong enough to carry parcels weighing up to two pounds.

Wire cars are driven on gravel roads or narrow paths littered with stones and covered with grass. Although you don’t need a license to drive a wire car, Taurai warns that “You need to be careful, just like someone driving a real car. If you are not, you may bump into a stone, and suddenly the whole car becomes a wreck.” [Link]

What do you do if your wire car is involved in an accident? You tow it to the wire-car garage, of course. And then you call your wire-car insurance agent.

Just like real cars, wire cars sometimes need repairs. The most troublesome parts are the wheels, which need to be regularly straightened to maintain balance. Other repairs include tightening up the wires that are fastened together.

Taurai has his own garage, where he makes and repairs his cars. He also repairs his friends’ cars that are involved in road accidents. These cars are usually complete wrecks, but they are not thrown away. The wires are unattached, straightened, and used to make a whole new car. [Link]

What do you do if you don't have enough money to pay the wire-car garage? You have it wired to you, of course.

I miss playing with wire cars. I wish my son would play with one. Unfortunately too many kids these days have gone wireless.

How to end the Kenyan domination

When it comes to marathons, there are seemingly two classes of runners: (1) Kenyans and (2) everyone else. The Kenyans usually beat everyone else. Actually, "beat" is inaccurate. How about "trounce"?  Well, that's not accurate either. How about "crush"?

How dominant have they been? The Boston Globe offers some clues, noting that Kenyans have won all but four Boston Marathons since Ibrahim Hussein's victory in 1988. In recent years, they've owned all five World Marathon Majors.

Since 2000, Kenyans have claimed Boston, Berlin, and Chicago six times apiece, London and New York four. "It's one of the most impressive streaks in sports we've ever seen," says New York race director Mary Wittenberg. [Link]

They've been especially dominant at the Boston Marathon largely because the race's organizers believe in inviting the best runners from around the world, no matter their country of origin. And invariably, many of them are Kenyan. In last year's world rankings, 68 of the top 100 marathoners were Kenyan, and seven of them finished in the top ten at Boston.

If Boston's elite field seems lopsided with Kenyans, that isn't a problem for the BAA. "I've heard comments over the years that it'd be nice to have an American win again," says Morse. "But we've always subscribed to the view that we should invite the best to be here, wherever they're from. I don't think it's a negative that the Kenyans have continued to dominate." [Link]

No, it's not a negative. But we really should give the non-Kenyans a fighting chance. I propose that we change the rules slightly:

1. All participants must run 26 miles. Kenyans must run all of them backwards.

2. All participants must wear running shoes. Kenyans must also wear ankle weights.

3. All participants must sign an injury waiver. Kenyans must also sign autographs along the route.

4. All participants may refresh themselves at the water stations. Kenyans must also stop at the Starbucks coffee station.

5. All participants must pass a drug test. Kenyans must also pass the Medical College Admissions Test (MCAT).

I know what you're thinking: The Kenyans would still win.

Photo by Stuart Atkins

Will Mugabe 'take' off like the Clintons did?

When Bill and Hillary Clinton left the White House in January 2001, after eight years of living in rent-free luxury, conservatives were in a tizzy over reports that the Clintons not only trashed the house, but also made off with furnishings that didn't belong to them. It turned out that the reports of vandalism were untrue, and that Bill Clinton had mistakenly assumed that the Oval Office desk belonged to him. After all, no other president had spent so much time under it. Actually, Clinton didn't take the desk, but he and Hillary did take scores of other items that apparently were gifts to the White House, not to them.

Reporter: "Did you take items from the White House that didn't belong to you?"

Bill Clinton: "It depends on what your definition of 'take' is."

Reporter: "Did you move them to your new home?"

Clinton: "No, I didn't. I didn't move anything."

Reporter: "Did the moving company move them for you?"

Clinton: "Yes, the moving company did. But we have reprimanded them. And we're returning some items, paying for some items, and donating some items."

Reporter: "Who are you donating to?"

Clinton: "Uh ... Chelsea."

After they were criticized for taking $190,000 worth of china, flatware, rugs, televisions, sofas and other gifts with them when they left, the Clintons announced last week that they would pay for $86,000 worth of gifts, or nearly half the amount.

Their latest decision to send back $28,000 in gifts brings to $114,000 the value of items the Clintons have either decided to pay for or return. [Link]

It makes me wonder what's going to happen in Zimbabwe when Robert and Grace Mugabe move out of the State House, as they might do very soon, if Mugabe and his supporters can't manipulate election results. The 84-year-old leader has been in power for 28 years and has probably put his name on everything in the State House, including the kitchen sink.

Mugabe: "We need to take everything. Everything must go: sofas, chairs, beds, lights, plates, cups, bowls ..."

Grace: "All the bowls?"

Mugabe: "Yes, yes, all the bowls, even the toilet bowls."

Grace: "What about the tables?"

Mugabe: "Yes, yes, all the tables, even the vegetables."

Grace: "What about the pets?"

Mugabe: "Yes, yes, all the pets, even the carpets."

 

Goodness gracious, I've won the lottery!

I don't know how it happened, but I've won a lottery. I just got an email from the desk of the vice president of International Promotions in the Prize Awards Department of the Australian International Sweepstakes Lottery Corp.

You hereby have been approved a prize of US$1,000,000.00 (ONE MILLION DOLLARS) in cash credit file ref: ILP/HW 47509/02 from the total cash prize shared amongst eight lucky winners in this category. All participants were selected through a computer balloting system drawn from One hundred thousand E-mail addresses from Canada, Australia, United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East and Africa as part of our international promotions program which is conducted annually.

Wow, that's fantastic.  I love the Australians. Such generous people. I have only one question: Should I quit my job now or wait until I get the money?

This Lottery was promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of some multinational companies in Australia as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base.

I've always believed in social responsibility, especially the type of social responsibility that gives me one million bucks.

Further more your details(e-mail address) falls within our European representative office in Amsterdam,Holland, as indicated in your play coupon and your prize of US$1,000,000.00 will be released to you from our Australian regional branch bureau in NIGERIA.

The money will be released from Nigeria? That's wonderful! I grew up in Africa, so this must be some kind of divine providence. Did I mention that Australia and Nigeria are my favorite countries?

Simply contact our Fiducial Agent, DR. Felix Williams.at (ausllotto_agent004@yahoo.com) to file for your claim. Please quote your Date of draw, Reference Number, Batch Number and Winning Number, which can be found on the top-left corner of this message. Also, you should give in your telephone number to help locate your file easily. For security reasons, we advice all winners to keep this information confidential from the public until your claim is processed and your prize has been released to you.

Of course I'll keep it confidential. I won't tell a soul, except for my wife, children and extended family. My wife is going to be so excited.

Me: "One million bucks, honey! And I didn't even have to buy a ticket!"

Malathi: "Are you sure it's real?"

Me: "Of course it's real. Just look at the email address of their Fiducial Agent: ausllotto_agent004@yahoo.com. Doesn't that look real?"

Malathi: "Oh, I'm so happy! I can't wait to tell my relatives. I never told you this before, but some of them actually believed that marrying you would never pay off."

Me: "That's amazing!"

Malathi: "What's amazing? That some of them thought you'd never be a success?"

Me: "No, that some of them thought I would."

Photo by tobym

Robert Mugabe: A leader in denial

It's hard to imagine an economy in worse shape than Zimbabwe's. The country, which is having a presidential election on Saturday, was once the bread basket of Africa. Nowadays, few people get to eat bread, even if they have a ton of dough.

The Spar supermarket has bread at only $7 million a loaf. People rush to the shelf duly marked $7 million, but by the time they reach the till with their hyper-inflated Zimbabwean dollars, the price is up to $25 million.

That equals just 62 American cents, more than a teacher makes in a week. "How can we afford to eat that?" a woman exclaims. Customers leave their loaves at the counter and walk out with their brick-sized bundles of bank notes, angry and disconsolate. [Link]

Question: What do you call a Zimbabwean man who wins $25 million in the lottery?

Answer: The breadwinner of the family.

President Robert Mugabe has helped drag his country's economy into the ditch, but he nevertheless  hopes to return to office, apparently believing that, even at 84 years of age, he still has enough energy to dig a deeper ditch. "Let's give him a chance," his supporters seem to be saying. "Twenty-eight years isn't enough."

But does Mugabe really want to turn things around? He seems to think Zimbabwe is doing well as it is.

Mugabe rarely gives interviews to independent journalists but spoke for two-and-a half hours to Heidi Holland last December for her book, Dinner with Mugabe.

She concluded that Mugabe was profoundly out of touch, surrounded by sycophants too scared to tell him the truth about the dire state of Zimbabwe.

When Holland suggested that the economy was in a mess, Mugabe angrily insisted that Zimbabwe was "a hundred times better" than most African countries.

"Outside South Africa, what country is like Zimbabwe?" Mugabe said. "Even now. What is lacking now are goods on the shelves, perhaps, that's all. But the infrastructure is there. We have our mines, you see. We have our enterprises." [Link]

Do you know what Americans would do if they went to the grocery store and found the shelves bare? They'd barbecue the president for dinner.

Then again, Mugabe meat may not taste as good as Bushmeat.

Photo by Sokwanele

There she is, Miss Landmine Survivor

Women who survived landmines in Angola will soon be taking part in a new beauty contest, Miss Landmine Survivor, not to be confused with the contest in Zimbabwe: Land-is-mine Survivor. The Angolan contest already has a major edge over Miss Universe: Donald Trump won't be present. 

The pageant has been organised by Angola's de-mining commission, and aims to restore the confidence of victims and raise awareness of their plight.

Millions of mines were planted in Angola during a 27-year civil war that ended in 2002.

The "Miss Landmine Survivor" contest will be held on 2 April in a luxury hotel in the Angolan capital, Luanda.

Eighteen women will take part, one from every province in the country.

All of the contestants have been maimed by landmines. [Link]

A contest in which you're expected to be missing a limb? Sure beats a contest in which you're expected to be missing a brain.

Actually, you can compete for Miss Landmine Survivor without missing an entire limb. And you can compete for Miss Universe without missing an entire brain.

It's really a myth that beauty contestants are dumb. Many of them are quite intelligent. And I say that not because I've studied their IQs or something, but because I don't want to get an ass-kicking from my cousin Rani Jeyaraj, a former Miss India. My very very smart cousin (who was born in Zambia).

The co-ordinator of Angola's de-mining commission, Madalena Neto, says the aim of the competition is to restore self-esteem in women injured in mine explosions, and to show that there is beauty in all people. [Link]

Yes, there's beauty in all people -- and it's not always on the outside. Sometimes you have to search a little deeper. And if you're wise enough to do the searching, you'll be rewarded far greater than those who don't.

Africa, the not-so-dark continent

Africa, even in the post-colonial era, has often been called the "dark continent" or referred to as "darkest Africa," mainly by people who have never set foot in Africa and apparently pictured it as one vast jungle upon which the sun never shined. Some have evidently relied on the words of tourists who visited Africa and never took off their sunglasses. ("You wouldn't believe it, Bob, even their sugar was dark!") It's been left to writers like me, who've spent years in Africa, to help shed some light on it. But to no avail.

As National Public Radio ombudsman (ombudswoman?) Alicia C. Shepard wrote in her blog, NPR newscaster Jean Cochran had to apologize recently for saying on Valentine's Day that President Bush was off on a visit to the "dark continent."

"I had no idea the term would be found offensive," said Cochran, who joined NPR in 1981. "I will concede antiquated but I was unaware it was 'racist and irredeemable,' as one person put it in an email. I was floored. Am I insensitive? I don't know how that could be since I didn't know there was anything to be sensitive about. I understood the term to refer to the African jungle. It's a canopy blocking out the light. A geographical term." [Link]

I could be wrong, but I think someone has been watching one too many Tarzan movies. Most Africans have never been to a jungle. The closest I've ever come to being in a jungle was in Baltimore.

Cochran is correct in one sense.  Originally, the term "dark continent" came into use in the 19th century to describe a continent largely unknown and mysterious to Europeans. Explorer Henry M. Stanley  used it in his 1878 book, Through the Dark Continent.

In fact, it is still used today, but in context. Because of the dearth of electricity on much of the continent, satellite imaging from outer space depicts much of Africa at night as literally a dark continent.  An article in The Economist last July, on how investors view Africa, refers to it as the "dark continent." "With all this concern of offending people, it is important for people to understand why and where the term exists," said Neal Weintraub, an author of four books on investing, who provided NPR The Economist example. [Link]

I don't buy that reasoning for the term's longevity. I don't think it has anything to do with electricity, even if Bill Gates has more lights in his front yard than Lusaka International Airport.

It's all about ignorance, a whole bunch of people who are still, despite our best efforts, in the dark.

The new Angola: made by China

Lucy Ash of the BBC World Service has written an interesting feature on the Chinese workers who are helping to rebuild Angola, a country still recovering from civil war.

Three hours south of the capital, in the coastal town of Sumbe, I find a team of 95 Chinese men finishing a technical college and about to start work on a hospital. The site is set back from the road and surrounded by a high fence.

Inside is Wang Weiheng, a 28 year old doctor from the Chinese city of Chonqing, whose job is to look after the construction workers.

"I try my best," she says, showing us the spartan dormitories where 10 men sleep in bunkbeds draped with mosquito nets. "But in the rainy season we had several cases of malaria."

In the kitchen are lots of paper signs in Mandarin taped to the wall. Weiheng says they tell the cooks which foods some people will not eat.

"I don't like pig's ear or leg of pork; others don't eat beef," says Dr Wang.

"Our food is very important to us - it stops us from feeling too homesick." [Link]

Chinese food is important to me too --  it stops me from feeling too sick of home food.

Dr Wang says she saw the job advertised on the internet. Her husband, whom she met a medical school, also applied for a posting in Angola.

He is the doctor at another building site in the town of Uaco Cungo, a day's drive away. Neither had been abroad before.

"In my mind, Africa was a country filled with animals like zebras and lions and lots of grass," laughs Dr Wang as she looks across the dusty, flat landscape beyond the camp. "So when I got here it was a big surprise." [Link]

What a brave woman! She thought Africa was full of animals like zebras and lions -- and she still went.

My translator, Lucy Corkin, an academic from South Africa, is researching the impact of Chinese credit across the continent.

She explains that a few years ago an overcrowded China decided to encourage its companies to invest abroad by creating the "Going Out" policy.

The idea was to expand excess capacity overseas and to cut unemployment at home.

"China has an unemployment rate of about 9% - not much by a developing country's standards, but nine percent of 1.3 billion is definitely a lot of people." [Link]

Government official: "Dr. Wang, instead of being unemployed in China, we're sending you to Africa to work."

Wang: "Oh no! Won't I be attacked by wild animals?"

Official: "No, Dr. Wang, the crew we are sending you with is very well-behaved."

No lashes, but 15 days in jail for Gibbons

Gillian Gibbons, the British teacher who let her students name a teddy bear Muhammad, has been convicted of insulting Islam and sentenced to 15 days in prison, after which she'll be booted out of Sudan. The judge could have sentenced her to 40 lashes and six months in prison, but was apparently swayed by a defense motion requesting him to use part of his brain.

The sentence, which seems intended to appease both sides, has not satisfied anyone, though some are more upset than others.

Thousands of Sudanese, many armed with clubs and knives, rallied Friday in a central square and demanded the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam for allowing her students to name a teddy bear "Muhammad."

The protesters streamed out of mosques after Friday sermons, as pickup trucks with loudspeakers blared messages against Gillian Gibbons, the teacher who was sentenced Thursday to 15 days in prison and deportation. She avoided the more serious punishment of 40 lashes.

They massed in central Martyrs Square outside the presidential palace, where hundreds of riot police were deployed. They did not try to stop the rally, which lasted about an hour.

"Shame, shame on the U.K.," protesters chanted.

They called for Gibbons' execution, saying, "No tolerance: Execution," and "Kill her, kill her by firing squad." [Link]

Asked if he was just as upset about the genocide in Darfur, one of the protesters pondered the question for a moment, then shouted, "Kill her, kill her by firing squad!"

A Muslim cleric at Khartoum's main Martyrs Mosque denounced Gibbons during one sermon, saying she intentionally insulted Islam. He did not call for protests, however.

"Imprisoning this lady does not satisfy the thirst of Muslims in Sudan. But we welcome imprisonment and expulsion," the cleric, Abdul-Jalil Nazeer al-Karouri, a well-known hard-liner, told worshippers. [Link]

They're thirsty? Perhaps they shouldn't be trying to dig a grave for Gibbons. Perhaps they should be trying to dig a well.

Muhammad Abdul Bari, secretary-general of the Muslim Council of Britain, accused the Sudanese authorities of "gross overreaction."

"This case should have required only simple common sense to resolve. It is unfortunate that the Sudanese authorities were found wanting in this most basic of qualities," he said. [Link]

Muhammad sounds upset. But if you ask his family, they'll tell you that he's kind and gentle. You might even call him a teddy bear.

We're outraged that they're outraged

Her students chose the name Muhammad for the teddy bear and she assented; now the British teacher in Sudan faces a potential punishment of 40 lashes. Welcome to another episode of "As the world goes insane."

The country's top Muslim clerics pressed the government to ensure that the teacher, Gillian Gibbons, is punished, comparing her action to author Salman Rushdie's "blasphemies" against the Prophet Muhammad.

The charges against Gibbons angered the British government, which urgently summoned the Sudanese ambassador to discuss the case. British and American Muslim groups also criticized the decision.

Gibbons, 54, was arrested at her home in Khartoum on Sunday after some parents of her students accused her of naming the bear after Islam's prophet. Muhammad is a common name among Muslim men, but the parents saw applying it to a toy animal as an insult. [Link]

An insult? Someone needs to tell them that a teddy bear is considered a cuddly, lovable toy. It's not like she gave the name 'Muhammad' to a red monster with a big orange nose. (No offense, Elmo. You're pretty lovable too.)

Sudanese Prosecutor-General Salah Eddin Abu Zaid said Gibbons was charged with inciting religious hatred and her case would be referred to courts Thursday.

If convicted, she faces up to 40 lashes, six months in jail and a fine, said Abdul-Daem Zumrawi, an undersecretary at the Justice Ministry. [Link]

You know who deserves 40 lashes? The parents who made a case of this. All they needed to do was tell Gibbons they were offended and, as British MP  Boris Johnson suggests, "she could have apologised; she could have instantly changed the name of the mascot to Paddington, or some other name less offensive to Muslims. She could have called it Aloysius, like the chap in Evelyn Waugh, and though Aloysius is a pretty emetic name for a teddy bear, no one would have suggested locking her up."

Muslim leaders in Britain and the U.S. strongly rejected the charges against Gibbons.

"This is a disgraceful decision and defies common sense," said Muhammad Abdul Bari, secretary-general of the Muslim Council of Britain. He said there was "clearly no intention" by the teacher to "deliberately insult the Islamic faith."

The American Islamic Congress also criticized the decision. "The Sudanese government's ridiculous case trivializes the feelings of Muslims around the world," said Nasser Weddady, the organization's civil rights outreach director. [Link]

It may come as a shock to some people, but not all Muslims think alike. Most of them are just like you and I: sane.

Watch out, the camels are coming!

The UN-African Union peacekeeping force in Sudan's Darfur region is having trouble getting around. They don't have enough jeeps and helicopters, so they're resorting to the next best thing: camels. These are no ordinary camels, of course. These are combat-trained camels.

India's Border Security Force (BSF) said it received a request last week from the United Nations to send the specially schooled animals to the troubled African region. ...

"All our camels are engaged in border-guarding duties and this whole process could take a long time," said BSF spokesman Vijay Singh, adding the agency could currently spare up to 60 of its 700-plus battle-ready animals for Sudan.

Indian border security forces use camels for long-range reconnaissance, including night patrols to track arms and drugs smugglers heading into the western states of Rajasthan and Gujarat from nearby Pakistan. [Link]

Camels are great because not only can they attain speeds of 40 mph, they don't require you to empty your wallet at the gas station.

India and South Africa are the only countries known to use camels for military purposes. [Link]

The United States military has used camels in the past -- and not just the kind you smoke. According to Wikipedia, "The United States Army had an active camel corps stationed in California in the 19th century." But they were apparently too stubborn and aggressive, qualities that are acceptable only in the Commander-in-Chief.

BSF deputy commandant Kamal Kumar Rathore, who heads the force's camel division, said India could purchase the animals from the open market and transport them to Sudan after a crash course in combat.

"There is no dearth of camels and we can make outright purchases, put them through a capsule course of four months and dispatch them to that country," Rathore said. [Link]

UN Peacekeeper: "What happened? Why did our camels crash into each other?"

Second Peacekeeper: "Blame the Indians. They put these animals through a crash course."

He said the camels conscripted into the BSF are trained not to react to gunfire and are taught to crawl and follow other "soldierly movements." [Link]

Soldier: "Let's crawl behind these rocks, so the enemy doesn't see us."

Camel: "Good idea. All they'll see is a big hump sticking out."

"Our camels move up to 80 kilometres (50 miles) with short breaks carrying ammunition and two mounts and they would be perfect.... I would be happy to lead them into Sudan," Rathore said. [Link]

I hope all the historians around the world are paying attention. If they're going to have a chapter in their books entitled "Napoleon leads his soldiers into Russia," they'd better have one entitled "Rathore leads his camels into Sudan."

Photo by FriskoDude

New York City needs more monkeys, India doesn't

There are plenty of monkeys in New York City and many of them happen to be Jets fans. But they're not the type of monkeys you'd want to eat -- if you're into eating them, that is. Monkey meat is a delicacy for some West African people, including a Liberian immigrant named Mamie Manneh, who has been charged with meat smuggling. A mother of nine children, she faces five years in prison, in addition to a two-year sentence she's currently serving for an unrelated offense, and could also be deported.

Manneh testified last year that before arriving in the United States more than 25 years ago, monkey meat was critical to her religious upbringing.

At age 7, "I was baptized and they used that for the baptizing ceremony," she told a judge.

Baptisms, Easter, Christmas, weddings — all are occasions for eating monkey, Manneh's supporters said in a sworn statement filed with the court.

The statement was vague about how the meat is obtained, but explains that it always arrives dried and smoked. Once blessed by a pastor, "we usually prepare it by cooking it for several hours into a stew," they said.

For them, the exotic import is more than just food.

"We eat bushmeat," they said, "for our souls."  [Link]

I've never eaten monkey meat -- my local grocery store doesn't carry it -- but I don't think it's any different from eating other wild animals. If you were raised on monkey, you'd probably get a craving every time you visited the zoo. You'd say to yourself, "The sign says, 'Don't feed the monkeys,' but it doesn't say anything about feeding on them."

You'd probably also wish you could import monkeys from India, where they're causing trouble in some towns and cities, behaving almost as badly as Shiv Sena activists.

Troupes of monkeys are out of control in India's northeast, stealing mobile phones and breaking into homes to steal soft drinks from refrigerators, lawmakers in the region have complained.

"Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones, toothpastes, sipping coke after opening the refrigerators," Hiren Das told Assam state's assembly Saturday.

He said the primates were "even slapping women who try to chase them". [Link]

They're sipping Coke and slapping women? What are they going to do next -- watch football?

We really need to do something about these male chauvinist monkeys. Exporting them is a possibility, but there's an easier option: inviting Mamie Manneh and her nine children to visit. As she and her friends might say, "If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em."

Photo by davideoneclick

Whatever you do, make sure you have the right guy

Mistaken identity can result in some funny situations, as it did last year when the BBC interviewed the wrong 'Guy.' Guy Goma, a Congolese man, was at their studio in London applying for a job, while Guy Kewney, the editor of a technology website, was there to be interviewed about a high court verdict on music downloading. The wrong Guy was put on the air and the video of the interview still makes me laugh. Goma's expression when he's introduced is priceless.

But mistaken identity can also result in some tragic situations, as it did recently when a Tanzanian hospital got two men with the same first name mixed up.

The Tanzanian man who had a knee operation when he had a tumour in his brain, has died after finally having the operation he required.

Emmanuel Mgaya, 19, died hours after the surgery, performed two weeks late.

Meanwhile, Emmanuel Didas, 20, who had brain surgery although his complaint was in the knee, is slowly recovering but he remains partially paralysed.

The government has apologised for the mix-up, which has been blamed on both men having the same first name. [Link]

Yeah, that's why a really smart person, many years ago, decided that people should have last names! People also have dates of birth and identification numbers that should prevent any mix ups, if the doctors and nurses are wide awake and sober.

Mr Didas cannot move his right side following the unnecessary operation. ...

Health Minister David Mwakyusa said a commission has been set up to investigate the saga and pledged to send Mr Didas to India for specialised treatment. [Link]

They had originally planned to send him to a hospital in Britain, but were concerned that Guy Goma might be applying for a job there.

Mr Mgaya was also due to have treatment in India but died before this was possible. ...

His family say they are not planning to sue the government - they always knew he only had a 50% chance of survival, as the tumour had grown so large. [Link]

If they don't file a lawsuit, I hope Didas does. That would help keep the hospital accountable. If he can't find a good lawyer, there's a guy in London who's willing to act like one.

Anglican Church gets a beating from Tutu

Archbishop Desmond Tutu isn't pleased about the Anglican Church's stance on homosexuality and has given the church, as well as the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, a tongue-lashing.

Archbishop Tutu referred to the debate about whether Gene Robinson, who is openly gay, could serve as the bishop of New Hampshire.

He said the Anglican Church had seemed "extraordinarily homophobic" in its handling of the issue, and that he had felt "saddened" and "ashamed" of his church at the time.

Asked if he still felt ashamed, he said: "If we are going to not welcome or invite people because of sexual orientation, yes.

"If God, as they say, is homophobic, I wouldn't worship that God." [Link]

St. Peter: "Archbishop Williams is on the phone, God. He wants to know if you love homosexuals."

God: "Tell him not to worry. I love him very much."

St. Peter: "God says he loves you very much, Archbishop Williams."

Archbishop: "Ah, just as I thought. He loves me, not them."

In the interview, Archbishop Tutu also rebuked religious conservatives who said homosexuality was a choice.

"It is a perversion if you say to me that a person chooses to be homosexual.

"You must be crazy to choose a way of life that exposes you to a kind of hatred.

"It's like saying you choose to be black in a race-infected society." [Link]

St. Peter: "Archbishop Williams is on the phone again, God. He wants to know if homosexuality is a choice."

God: "Tell him it would be crazy to choose a way of life that exposes you to hatred."

St. Peter: "God says it would be crazy to choose homosexuality, Archbishop Williams."

Archbishop: "Ah, just as I thought. Homosexuals are crazy."

The missing link in evolution theory

A 10-million-year old jaw bone discovered in Kenya may have belonged to our common ancestor, the one we share with our distant cousins in the zoo, gorillas and chimps. That common ancestor was a great ape, also known as great-great-great-great-grandpa.

The Kenyan and Japanese team found the fragment in 2005 along with 11 teeth in volcanic mud flow deposits in Kenya's northern Nakali region. [Link]

They found 11 teeth and a jaw fragment, but no sign whatsoever of a boxing ring.

The species -- somewhere between the size of a female gorilla and a female orangutan -- may prove to be the "missing link" in the evolution theory, Kenyan scientists said.

"Based on this particular discovery, we can comfortably say we are approaching the point at which we can pin down the so-called missing link," said Frederick Manthi, Senior Research Scientist at the National Museums of Kenya. [Link]

Pin down the missing link? If that sounds familiar, you're spending too much time watching the World Wrestling Federation.

Christened Nakalipithecus nakayamai, the new species fed on nuts, seeds and fruit. [Link]

Nakalipithecus nakayamai is a pretty long name, but at least his close friends got to call him Nak Nak.

"The teeth were covered in thick enamel and the caps were low and voluminous, suggesting that the diet of this ape consisted of a considerable amount of hard objects, like nuts or seeds, and fruit," Yutaka Kunimatsu at Kyoto University's Primate Research Institute said in a telephone interview. [Link]

The ape's descendants have moved on to other hard things, such as hard candy and hard liquor.

Published in the latest issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the finding is significant as it gives credence to the theory that the evolution from ape to man may have taken place entirely in Africa.

Prior to this finding, there had been so little fossil evidence in Africa dating between 7 to 13 million years ago that some experts began to surmise that the last common ancestor left Africa for Europe and Asia, and then returned later. [Link]

Those were the good old days when Europe didn't have strict immigration policies. Just about any ape could immigrate.

I'm not sure if Nak Nak left Africa and came back. We'll have to see if archeologists manage to find his passport.

Photo by Kaptain Kobold

Signs you might see in Africa

And give them directions to Antarctica.

Photo by Susan Renee

Aren't you glad you're driving an Impala?

Photo by kimyidionne

It also leads you to paint unclear signs.

Photo by SqueakyMarmot

 

Column: Missing out on Halloween

Since it's Halloween, I thought you might enjoy a column I wrote a decade ago.

 

  MISSING OUT ON HALLOWEEN

  Halloween has always been somewhat of a mystery to me.
 
  Perhaps that's because I grew up in Africa, where you'd have
  to be a little crazy to leave your pumpkins outside. Folks
  there never have trouble distinguishing between decorations
  and food. And leaving food on your porch is not a good idea.
  Especially during a famine. When people are starving, there
  is nothing more arrogant than decorating your house with
  food.
 
  Actually, the conditions were never that bad in Zambia, the
  country I grew up in. We never felt the need to go door to
  door, begging for candy.
 
  My mom would have been so embarrassed if I had asked a
  neighbor for food. Especially after giving the neighbor a
  threat. Trick or treat? A quick call to my mother and the
  trick would have been saving my butt from a whipping.
 
  If we were guests at someone's house and they offered me a
  second helping of dessert, the correct response was "No,
  thank you." Mom was always watching and I didn't want it to
  be my last dessert.

Rugby World Cup unites South Africans

One thing I love about sports is the role it often plays in bringing people of different races and cultures together. Sure, there has been plenty of discrimination in sports historically, but the overall impact of sports has been positive. Just look at what's happening in South Africa, where everyone's celebrating the Springboks' 15-6 victory over England in the Rugby World Cup final on Sunday.

Smiles and congratulatory handshakes were the order of the day as office workers, shop assistants and street peddlers returned to their jobs after the Springboks triumphed in Paris.

Newspapers, ranging from the predominantly white-backed Citizen to the largely black-read Sowetan, heralded the unity engulfing the nation as it prepared to welcome the team home.

A huge crowd was expected to greet the players when they arrive at Johannesburg's O.R. Tambo International Airport this afternoon, kicking off several days of festivities, including a nationwide ticker tape parade. [Link]

White, black and brown -- they're all celebrating the victory. The blacks would rather win the soccer World Cup and the browns would rather win the cricket World Cup, but as the old African saying goes, "A World Cup in the hand beats two in the bush."

Although rugby is traditionally dominated by the country's white minority, particularly its Afrikaner community – descendants of the original Dutch and French settlers – the black majority has also been swept up in the fever.

Bars in Soweto, the sprawling black township south of Johannesburg, were packed with fans cheering the 'Boks' with the fervour of true believers. Eateries and bars in the giant Indian community in Durban also swayed with supporters. [Link]

White, black and brown -- united in showing their support, united in shouting, "Another beer please!"

A Nigerian with big ideas

Mubarak Muhammad Abdullahi, a 24-year-old Nigerian man, has big ideas -- and it doesn't involve transferring millions of dollars to your bank account. The physics student is building helicopters from old car and motorbike parts, taking recycling to new heights.

"It took me eight months to build this one," he said, sweat pouring from his forehead as he filled the radiator of the banana yellow four-seater which he now parks in the grounds of his university. [Link]

He parks it at the university? Wow!

Professor: "Mubarak, you're always here early. Don't you ever get stuck in traffic?"

Mubarak: "Oh, I come by air."

Professor: "Yeah, right. And I come by sea."

The chopper, which has flown briefly on six occasions, is made from scrap aluminium that Abdullahi bought with the money he makes from computer and mobile phone repairs, and a donation from his father, who teaches at Kano's Bayero university.

It is powered by a second-hand 133 horsepower Honda Civic car engine and kitted out with seats from an old Toyota saloon car. Its other parts come from the carcass of a Boeing 747 which crashed near Kano some years ago. [Link]

Mubarak: "Trust me, sir, I have a helicopter."

Professor: "Really? What kind of helicopter is it?"

Mubarak: "Uh ... it's a Honyota 747."

For a four-seater it is a big aircraft, measuring twelve metres (39 feet) long, seven metres high by five wide. It has never attained an altitude of more than seven feet. [Link]

Professor: "How high does it go? Can it take you as high as the Shebshi Mountains?"

Mubarak: "No, not yet. I'm still trying to get it to go as high as Yao Ming."

Remembering a daughter, educating a village

Their daughter, Elizabeth, died in a bicycle accident in 2002 while serving as a Peace Corps volunteer in Zambia. Linda and Gerry Bowers are keeping her memory alive by doing something that would make her very proud: educating underprivileged Zambian girls. The Oregon couple, who are receiving a commendation from the Peace Corps, created a memorial fund for Elizabeth that evolved into the Elizabeth Bowers Zambia Education Fund.

So far, 85 women in grades eight through 12, who call themselves Beth's girls, have received Zambia Education Fund scholarships, which pay for everything from school and exam fees to tutoring. When the fund started, only four girls from the village were going to school.

Then and now, the only school in the village is Lumwana West Basic School, which goes up to grade nine. Students who want to go to high school -- grades 10 through 12 -- must travel to the next town over, Mwinilunga. Scholarships help pay their boarding costs.

Since 2004, about 25 women have continued on to high school with the help of the Education Fund. Three have graduated, including Prudence Masanyinga, who has gone on to study sociology at a government institute. [Link]

Getting an education is a prudent thing to do, as Prudence would say.

"The most rewarding part of this project is how the education of the girls in this village will eventually expand to improve families and society in Zambia," said Karen Chittick, secretary of the nonprofit's board of directors. "You're not just giving a girl an education. They will return to the village as role models for other girls." [Link]

They'll be models for the boys, too -- not the kind with great figures, but the kind who can figure things out.

Dealing with cannibals in Africa

The Daily Telegraph has an obituary of David Muffett, who spent 16 years in Nigeria during the colonial era, that doesn't put Africa in the best light.

David Muffett, who has died aged 88, applied the skills he had honed when dealing with cannibals in colonial Africa to battling education ministers and teaching unions in his role as chairman of Hereford and Worcester County Council education committee. [Link]

Cannibals? You don't say? Pray, tell me more.

In 1960 he apprehended the Tigwe of Vwuip, a northern Nigerian tribal chief who had eaten the local tax collector. The Tigwe had apparently been so impressed by the man's ability to acquire money on demand that he had — understandably — decided to try to assimilate his powers.

It was not so much this particular misdemeanour that bothered Muffett; what really worried him was the fact that a UN delegation was due to visit the area, and "I wasn't about to have one of them eaten. I considered that it would be a highly retrogressive step."[Link]

Yes, indeed. It's never a good idea to have a visiting UN official eaten.

Nshima, the underappreciated food

My good friend Heli, a Zambian-American, was kind enough to cook some nshima for lunch during my recent visit to his home in Elizabethtown, Pennsylvania. I had two helpings of nshima, along with some cabbage and chicken curry (pictured), and would have eaten more, had my stomach not started to resemble a beach ball. Nshima is very filling -- it's one of the heaviest foods I know, and if you don't believe me, just try bench-pressing a plateful of nshima.

Nshima is the staple food of Zambia, the country I grew up in. (It's also eaten in surrounding countries, though known by other terms, such as sadza in Zimbabwe and ugali in East Africa.) Zambians are crazy about two things: nshima and soccer (which may explain why they shape nshima into round balls before eating it). As British freelance journalist Jamie Baldwin wrote during a visit to Zambia, "Every Zambian inhabitant eats the stuff, morning, lunch and dinner -- without exception. And they love it, absolutely love it. Starve a Zambian of nshima for more than 12 hours and they break out into cold sweats and delusions."

Nshima is made from corn (or maize) meal, known to Zambians as mealie meal. According to Wikipedia, "The maize flour is first boiled with water into porridge and then skillfully 'paddled', not stirred, to create a thick paste with the addition of more flour. Zambians consider cooking nshima an art form with the aim of achieving the correct texture and taste." I never realized this before, but my friend Heli is a very good nshima artist.

Mandela's alive and so is Bush's reputation

Poor George Bush. Eloquence isn't one of his strong suits, but even when he tries hard and manages to string a few coherent words together, he still gets ridiculed, as a Reuters article shows.

Nelson Mandela is still very much alive despite an embarrassing gaffe by U.S. President George W. Bush, who alluded to the former South African leader's death in an attempt to explain sectarian violence in Iraq.

"It's out there. All we can do is reassure people, especially South Africans, that President Mandela is alive," Achmat Dangor, chief executive officer of the Nelson Mandela Foundation, said as Bush's comments received worldwide coverage.

In a speech defending his administration's Iraq policy, Bush said former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein's brutality had made it impossible for a unifying leader to emerge and stop the sectarian violence that has engulfed the Middle Eastern nation.

"I heard somebody say, Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas," Bush, who has a reputation for verbal faux pas, said in a press conference in Washington on Thursday. . . .

References to his death--Mandela is now 89 and increasingly frail--are seen as insensitive in South Africa. [Link]

Well, it should be fairly obvious that Bush was using a metaphor -- and a good one at that. But of course most people would find it hard to believe that Bush even knows what a metaphor is.

Reporter: "President Bush, why did you allude to Nelson Mandela's death."

Bush: "Uh ... I was speaking ... uh ... meta ... uh ... metaformically. I was using a metaform."

South Africans united in pigging out

National Barbecue Day -- it sounds like something that would be quite popular in North America. Every holiday, of course, is an excuse to pig out, not just Thanksgiving, but also Christmas, Easter and Fourth of July. The latter could easily be called National Barbecue Day. After all, Fourth of July is all about celebrating freedom, particularly the freedom to stuff yourself. So perhaps South Africa is just trying to accept reality.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has become the patron of South Africa's Barbecue (Braai) Day, saying the pastime is a unifying force in a divided country.

The Nobel Peace Prize laureate celebrated his appointment by donning an apron and tucking into a sausage outside his office.

"This is something that can unite us. It is so proudly South African, so uniquely South African," he said. [Link]

Food can indeed unite people. If you're serving me a delicious sausage sandwich, I really don't care whether you're black, white, brown, short, tall, fat, thin, gay or heterosexual. Heck, I'd even accept a sandwich from George W. Bush.

A statue for a statesman

It warmed my heart to hear that a statue of Nelson Mandela was just unveiled in London's Parliament Square. I consider him the greatest leader of this era. I don't know if anyone even comes close (put your hand down, Fidel). He is the Gandhi of our time and we should be throwing away our Beyoncé  tickets and lining up to see him.

Talking to crowds who gathered for the unveiling, Mr Mandela said: "Though this statue is of one man, it should in actual fact symbolise all of those who have resisted oppression, especially in my country." [Link]

Few people resisted like he did. He spent 27 years in prison. And even more inspiring was his policy of reconciliation when he came out. Elected South Africa's first black president in 1994, he stepped down after only one term, resisting the temptation to cling to power like so many leaders (put your hand up, Fidel).

"Long after we are forgotten, you will be remembered for having taught the world one amazing truth," said Mr Livingstone.(London's mayor)

"That you can achieve justice without vengeance.  I honour you and London honours you." [Link]

Every city in the world should honor him. Streets, schools and babies should be named after him. Boys should be named Nelson and girls should be named Nelsona. But that isn't enough. The whole galaxy should honor him. The moon should be renamed "Moondela" and the sun should be renamed "NelSun."

Illegal to be gay in Uganda

Homosexuality is against the law in many parts of the world, including India and most African countries. In Uganda, it carries a maximum punishment of life imprisonment and 95 percent of Ugandans seem to like it that way. Katherine Roubos, a 22-year-old from Minnesota, has been writing about gay issues in the East African country while interning at the Daily Monitor. In a recent piece, several gays and lesbians described their struggles to her. One 30-year-old man said he once thought he would "grow out of it," but has come to accept his homosexuality.

I am hiding, constantly wondering who is watching, afraid of accusations, but on the other side, I am happy because I have a community and I am following my heart. I have been with my partner seven years and we are very much in love.
When the people talk about gays and lesbians they run directly to talk about sex. But it is love between us, not just sex. When we are together, we are happy, just like a newly married couple would be. We trust and love each other.

I am very religious, but it is hard for me to go to church because I don’t feel safe there. But I was created by God, created like this; God did not make me wrong.
[Link]

He feels unsafe in church! Where's he supposed to go to feel safe -- the dark alley behind the bar?

Virgin power in Zambia

Here are a few AIDS-prevention posters being used in Zambia. Some urge youths to abstain from sex, others promote condom use, a few try to do both.

 

I'm not sure what the first woman is saying, but the second is saying, "Stop hugging and start walking!" and the third is saying, "Leave me alone!" I like the idea of "Virgin Power, Virgin Pride." In the western world, the only people who seem to  exhibit "Virgin Power, Virgin Pride" are the ones who work for Virgin Airways.

 

 

 

 

 

You'd better use it when there isn't love too!

Please help the dirty German children

UNICEF Germany has withdrawn a series of ads designed to bring attention to the millions of African children who can't attend school. The ads featured white children whose faces had been blackened. Some bloggers and others found them rather offensive. In a letter to one of them, UNICEF press officer Rudi Tarneden explains the ads:

The idea behind is that children from Germany demonstrate their solidarity with children in Africa by showing up with a coloured make up. Their message s: "Children may look different but are equal - we all want to go to school." Absolutely no connotation of black children as "dirty children" was intended.

Before publishing the ad, we had carefully discussed possible misinterpretations and the agency had also tested public reaction in a survey in Germany, without receiving negative comments. Neither did we receive any negative reaction from the German public after publication.

The ad was published in a few high-quality print media like Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, Spiegel, Die Zeit, Stern, free-of-charge. These media had never volunteered to publish the ad if they would have expected a negative connotation. Obviously, the perception of the ad varies by country. [Link]

Perhaps UNICEF Africa can use the same pictures to raise money for German children. I'm sure a lot of African children would be shocked to see how dirty German children are.

Zambian boy: "I feel very sad for that German boy. He has so little water."

Zambian girl: "Yes, only enough water to wash his ear."

Simpsons movie helps Kenyans carve out a living

I'm always seeing products from Asia in North American stores, but none from Africa, aside from the occasional food item from South Africa. So I was happy to read that a group of carvers in Kenya are producing soapstone carvings of The Simpsons and that Twentieth Century Fox designated the carvings as official merchandise.

The Tabaka Classic Carvers are licensed to produce 12 models of the show's characters, and they are keen to expand their portfolio. Pauline Kemunto and her husband work with the Simpsons team in Tabaka; he carves the figures and she smoothes the soapstone afterwards "I don't know who they are," she says about the dysfunctional cartoon family. "But I like them because I earn from them." [Link]

She could probably say the same thing about the people buying the carvings. They live in countries like the U.S., Britain and Italy, and probably have no idea how much effort goes into each carving and how much more money they're able to make, even just flipping burgers at McDonald's.

The famous figurines are about to go on sale in the UK at the Craft Village UK, priced at about $40. Mr Young says 30% of this goes to Kenya, not just to the carvers but to pay for the print work, quality control and packaging. [Link]

That means that for each carving, which takes about two days to complete, less than $12 goes into the pocket of the carver. On western standards, that doesn't seem like a lot of money, but it puts food on the table for carvers like Enosh Onsombi and his eight children. And it also gives them pride, for they're supporting themselves and practicing their craft, even if it means spending an entire afternoon on Marge's hair.

Enosh: "This woman, look at her hair. It's taller than Mount Kilimanjaro."

Mayaka: "It looks like her hair is braided. Is she African?"

Enosh: "No, I don't think so. African women don't have such big eyes!"

Mayaka: "Oh, you should have seen my wife's eyes when I gave her a gold necklace. She asked me where I got the money. I said I've been carving The Simpsons. She said, 'Who are they?' I said, 'I don't know, but the boss told me they're a good family, no relation to that scoundrel O.J."