FunnyColumns

Say "I do" so he can too

Arranged marriages can be quite complicated, but apparently not complicated enough for some  Indo-Canadians. They're trying to arrange TWO marriages at once, as a way of helping a close relative immigrate to Canada from India.

The ads, mostly in Punjabi, are short and snappy.

Jat Sikh Canadian immigrant boy 29, 5'3" seeks an Indian educated girl. Only those families should contact who can provide Canadian matrimonial alliance for his 33-year-old Indian resident brother, 5'5".

Arranged marriages, where parents introduce young people to each other and couples marry after a brief courtship, are common among South Asians, but "barter" marriages seem to be becoming increasingly common, too.

In other words: I'll get your son/daughter to Canada, you help get my niece/nephew out of India. [Toronto Star]

No, that's not quite right. It should be "I'll get your son/daughter to Canada, but only if you get my niece/nephew to Canada too, because he/she just can't do it on their own."

They're hoping, of course, to get a PR Card (permanent residency) for their niece/nephew, hoping to play that familiar tune at the wedding: "Here comes the PR Card, here comes the PR Card!"

Jaspal Singh, a cab driver in Vancouver, says he was under pressure from his older brother who lives in India, to somehow get his son and daughter to Canada. "I explained it to my brother that it was very tough, but he told me I was making excuses, that I didn't want his children to have a good life.

Finally, Singh agreed to place an ad for his own 21-year-old son and 20-year-old daughter in hopes someone, somewhere would reciprocate with Canadian matches for his niece and nephew in India.

It is not only a long shot, it is also unethical, Singh admits. He says he has told his kids he will not force them to do something they are not ready for and that weddings would take place only after they have met their prospective partners and are ready. [Toronto Star]

Imagine the dilemma for his kids, knowing that if they say "no" to a prospective bride or groom, they are also saying "no" to their cousins, and if they say "yes" to a prospective bride or groom, they are also saying "yes" to an extra mattress in their basement.

How to tweet your job away

Whoever came up with the name "Twitter" must have realized that it would attract a lot of twits.

I'm not suggesting that David Le, who lost his job over some tweets, is a twit. I'm insisting that he is.

The D.C. Department of Employment Services fired a contractor who was working with youths in the city's summer jobs program after officials became aware of messages on his Twitter site that Anacostia is "ghetto" and that he was loafing at work.

David Le, who was working as a participant service specialist, was terminated yesterday, said Mafara Hobson, spokeswoman for Mayor Adrian M. Fenty (D).

"He no longer works for DOES," she said. "I can't talk about personnel issues." [Wash.Post]

Does DOES care what an employee does on Twitter? Yes, DOES does.

The firing came a day after The Washington Post showed Hobson a month-long string of tweets from Le's page. "In america's ghetto anacostia... If I get scared i will just yell chinese carry out! They will not shoot me," a message read on June 22.

On June 15, a message read, "thank goodness my boss is making things easy, he told me to pretend to do work so he can mark me down for hours." [Wash.Post]

His boss is probably furious and calling Le a RAT (rascal accessing Twitter).

The moral here: If you're cheating, don't be tweeting or unemployment you'll be greeting.

Michael Jackson was one of a kind

Where were you when you heard the news, when you realized that the world had lost its greatest entertainer? I was in my living room, watching TV, shaking my head and wondering what life would be like without George Carlin.

That was a year ago. I just couldn’t believe the brilliant comedian was gone.

I had the same feeling when I heard that Michael Jackson had died, a feeling that the world had lost a talent it would never see again, at least not for another millennium, when someone develops a time machine.

Jackson was to my generation what Neil Armstrong was to the previous one. Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, but until Jackson came along, many of us had never seen the moonwalk.

He was no astronaut, of course, but nobody could rocket up the music charts like him. During his peak, he had more No. 1 singles than anyone else, more hits than the entire lineup of the Chicago Cubs.

He became known as the “King of Pop,” easily outshining all contenders for the title, even that Indian man who had set a world record for bursting balloons.

He gave us an album called "Thriller" –- and what a thrill it was, the best investment a music fan could make, aside from taking Madonna on a date.

His mega-hit “Beat it” soared to No. 1 on several charts around the world, so popular that Ayatollah Khomeini, concerned about the influence of American popular culture, instructed the youths of Iran to stop “beating it.”

Thank goodness for the Pickle Squad

Flying can be scary. You never know what the other passengers are up to. Some might want to hijack the plane, some might want to detonate shoe bombs in mid-flight and some might want to threaten everyone with their homemade mango pickle: "Show me a Bollywood movie NOW or I'll set your tongue on fire!"

Thank goodness for the Pickle Squad. They really live up to their slogan: "We get you out of pickles."

An airport summoned a bomb squad over a suspicious item in luggage that turned out to be pickled mangoes.

The X-ray equipment used by TSA airport security in Columbus could not detect what was inside a sealed canister in a bag being inspected around 7 p.m. Tuesday.

The container was labeled "baby food," but authorities said security personnel became suspicious when the woman who owned the suitcase claimed the canister held pickles.

The fire department bomb squad removed the item from the airport and detonated it, discovering the mangoes.

No one was hurt. Flights and other airport operations were not interrupted. [Link]

Phew! That was a close call. Imagine what might have happened if the woman had taken the mango pickle on the plane. Flight crews just don't have enough training to deal with such a calamity.

You may think I'm exaggerating the potential for disaster, but just remember: This was not just one small bottle of pickle, this was a CANISTER, with enough pickle to send all 250 passengers rushing for the fire extinguisher.

It's a close affair between Republicans and Democrats

Mark Sanford, the Republican governor of South Carolina, who disappeared for a few days, has admitted having an affair with a woman in Argentina. That's good news for the Republicans, who have quietly moved ahead in the race. In case you aren't keeping score at home, here's the official tally:

Affairs by Republican politicians: 1,265

Affairs by Democratic politicians: 1,264

Yes, it's a tight race. Anyone can win. The Republicans can't take anything for granted. After all, they were once so far behind in this race, some Democrats wondered why they even bothered getting married.

Democrats dominated the race in the 1990s, thanks to the inspirational leadership of Bill Clinton. "Come on, Bob!" he would say to a fellow politician. "You can do it! Just go have fun with another woman. Don't worry about your wife. I'll take good care of her."

The odds were stacked against Republicans, but they came on strong in the 21st century, largely because of the World Wide Web, where anonymity can be preserved and even a few dogs have managed to have affairs. (No, I'm not talking about Snoop Dogg and Nate Dogg.)

The Republicans have taken the lead, but if they want to keep it, they need to send Sanford, John Ensign and others on nationwide tours to inspire more Republicans. Democrats, meanwhile, need to stay confident. After all, even with Sanford's affair, they're still ahead in one aspect of the race. In case you aren't keeping score at home, here's the official tally:

Affairs with non-Americans by Republican politicians: 1

Affairs with non-Americans by Democratic politicians: 59

As journalist Fareed Zakaria remarked recently, "Republicans just aren't in the same league with Democrats when it comes to foreign affairs."

R.I.P. Ed McMahon, my mail friend

Ed McMahon passed away today and while most people remember him as Johnny Carson's loyal sidekick on "The Tonight Show," I remember him as my mail friend.

Over the years Mr. McMahon became a paid spokesman for many products and companies, including Budweiser beer, Alpo dog food, Chris-Craft boats, Texas Instruments, Breck shampoo, Sara Lee baked goods and Mercedes-Benz. His name and photograph were fixtures on the form letters mailed by American Family Publishers announcing sweepstakes winners. [Link]

Here's a column I wrote in 1998 about my friend, Ed:

ED MCMAHON WILL MAKE ME RICH

I like getting mail. When I stick my hand in the mailbox, I don't like to grab air. Air makes me feel like nobody loves me.

About once a week, I grab air. I'd do it more often if it weren't for my buddy, Ed McMahon. Ed loves me more than my family does. They're too busy to write to me.

Not Ed. He writes nice, personal letters to me. He's a celebrity, but he doesn't mind communicating with regular folks like me.

Ed wants me to get rich someday. He has higher expectations for me than my mother. And he's never met me.

When Ed makes me rich, my friends will be jealous. They won't know what to say. They might want to meet Ed, but I won't introduce them. He might start writing to them and forget about me.

Falling in love, one outfit at a time

Sonal Patel, 29, of North Carolina is getting married and has fallen deeply in love -- with India. That's where she went to shop for clothes, jewelry and other items for her upcoming wedding to Nirav Thakker. But enough about him.

"It's every Indian girl's dream to go to India for their wedding shopping," Patel says. [Link]

Indeed. And it's a good thing most Indian girls are already in India. They don't have far to go.

Patel, her sister and their mother, Kala, went to Ahmedabad in the Gujarat state of India last fall with two months to execute their shopping mission.

They needed to buy 60 outfits; the five for Sonal and five each for her sister, Shefali Parmar; Shefali's daughter Kajal; and their mother to wear during the three-day wedding blowout.

They also needed traditional outfits for nine bridesmaids and nine groomsmen; Patel's father, Ramesh; her brother, Shaunak; Shefali's husband, Vaibhav Parmar; and her father's six brothers and their wives. [Link]

If this were a movie, it would be called "60 Outfits in 60 Days." Other possibilities:

"Seven Brothers and Seven Wives"

"My Big Fat Hindu Wedding"

"How I Spent my Father's Retirement Money"

Patel says she could have found her wedding attire in New Jersey, New York or Canada. She could have taken a quick hop to London. All of those places have big Indian communities.

But then she'd have missed being mesmerized by the choices of fabric, colors, accessories, shoes and jewelry while trolling boutiques and conferring with tailors and jewelers in Ahmedabad and Mumbai. [Link]

That's the difference between men and women. Men don't get mesmerized by "choices of fabric, colors, accessories, shoes and jewelry," unless Halle Berry is pulling them out of her shirt. And even then, we'd be bored after a couple of hours.

When the family returned to North Carolina, they'd filled up 10 suitcases and six boxes of wedding finery, jewelry, gifts and accoutrement.

And the trip did something more. Patel says she'd had a love-hate relationship with India. After the trip she came home with a deep love for her parents' homeland. [Link]

But after seeing the credit card bill, her father has a deep hatred for his homeland.

Photo by Katkreig

Sorry, no tobacco or champagne

There's a new coffee house in Winnipeg, one that hopes to maintain a family-friendly atmostphere.

When Christine Shuwera decided to open a business in her new neighbourhood of Point Douglas, she didn’t concentrate too much on the things she wanted to sell. Her focus was on the things it wouldn’t offer.

“I wanted to open up something that didn’t involve alcohol or gambling,” said Shuwera, who bought a house in the neighbourhood five years ago, and always lamented the lack of a “comfy, cozy place to have a cup of coffee.”

So Shuwera decided to take matters into her own hands, opening Willow’s Coffee House last November on Sutherland Avenue between McFarlane and Annabella streets in the rapidly recovering neighbourhood. [Link]

What has the response been? Just ask one of the employees.

Karie Tobacco-Champagne is one of two Willow’s employees, both of whom are members of the local community. She said that Willow’s has established a base of regular customers who are eager to support such a vital neighbourhood business.

“Everyone is happy to be here,” she said. “All the homemade soups and sandwiches and the beef stew have been pretty popular.” [Link]

Sounds good, but what do the local drinkers and smokers think?

Drinker and smoker: "It's not fair! You guys are teasing us!"

Cofee house owner: "What do you mean?"

Drinker and smoker: "Well, you don't serve us tobacco and champagne here, but you have Tobacco-Champagne serving us. It's just not right!"

Nothing like a plum ambassadorship

Barack Obama promised to bring change to Washington, but did you see whom he selected as ambassador to Belize? His old college buddy Vinai Thummalapally!

The folks in Belize had better give me a call. For only $9.99, I'll help them learn how to say "Ambassador Thummalapally."

Thummalapally, in case you're wondering, has no experience as a diplomat, but he did pass Obama's foreign service exam, which consisted of a single question: "How much money did you raise for me, bro?"

The correct answer for Thummalapally was "more than 100 grand -- and I also told the media that you're the best thing to happen to America since Slim-Fast."

The Colorado business executive also donated $4,500 of his own money for his pal’s presidential campaign, while his wife, Barbara, gave $2,800. There were no strings attached, of course, just a note from Barbara that said: "Dear Barack, Vinai and I believe in you so much, we're giving you all the money we had saved for our vacation in sunny Belize. I told Vinai that Belize can wait. Poor guy, he really had his heart set on going. He even read the Lonely Planet Travel Guide and bought a really nice beach umbrella."

Well, perhaps Barbara didn't send a note, but she and Vinai were probably aware that raising money for Obama's campaign could result in an ambassadorship.

Vinai: "We've raised only $50,000. We need to raise more. I don’t want to be sent to Cote d’Ivoire."

Barbara: "Yeah, me neither. That would be as bad as going to Ivory Coast.”

Vinai: "If we raise a little more, we could go to Belize, Jamaica or even Namibia."

Barbara: "What's so great about Namibia?"

Vinai: "I’m not sure, but that’s where Angelina Jolie goes to give birth. Did you know that she’s the UN Refugee Agency’s Goodwill Ambassador?”

Barbara: “She must not have raised much money for the agency. I’d rather be a Macy’s or Saks Fifth Avenue Ambassador.”

Meet the Patels

Britain has more than 250,000 Patels, six of them pictured above. Clare James of BBC News writes about a matchmaking event for Patels at a community centre in Wembley, north London.

As the guests arrive they are handed lists relating first names (surnames are obviously a given at this do), ages, qualifications and occupations of their opposite numbers, together with the names of the villages their forefathers came from.

"You look for the village where your own folks come from," one of the girls explains. "But you can't link up with someone who's from your own village because they'll be too close, like your cousin or your brother."

So marrying your cousin is out. And so, traditionally, is marrying outside your caste. To help people sort through these complications each caste has its own directories, some up to 1,000 pages thick. They're arranged alphabetically by village and detail people's names, addresses and the details of any eligible sons and daughters.

"It's like a database so we can know how many Patels there are," says Ramesh Patel, president of the Yorkshire Leuva Patel Society (Leuva being the farming or landowning caste).

"We can find out whether someone's son or daughter is suitable for mine - their ages, whether they have a degree. Then we can introduce them and if they like each other, fair enough. If not, by all means move on."  [BBC News]

"If they like each other, fair enough" is certainly an improvement over "if they're fair enough, they like each other." But they're still too attached to the caste system, which means that the single men in the Yorkshire Leuva Patel Society will never get their hands on the lovely ladies in the Yorkshire Pudding Society.

Bradford restaurateur Bobby Patel says enterprise and the instinct for "an environment to make money" is "engrained in the Patels".

Nowhere is it more successfully engrained than in Bhikhu and Vijay Patel, owners of the Basildon-based pharmaceutical company Waymade Healthcare. Joint 141st on the annual Sunday Times Rich List, they're worth £370m - even after the credit crunch.

In 2000, the Rich List database threw up the interesting idea that you're seven times more likely to be a millionaire if you're called Patel than if you're called Smith. Which may be one reason they like to stick together.

Defining the extended family's philosophy, Bikhu says simply: "One works very hard, looks after the family and always saves a little for a rainy day."

"When you earn £100 you want to earn £200. You try to do better and better for your children, talk to any Patel and they want to educate their kids. This may not be unique to Patels, our values are very similar to other Indians, but we seem to excel at it." [BBC News]

Yes, Indians love to educate their children. Those other kids in college -- the whites and blacks and Chinese -- they're just there because their parents were looking for a good way to burn their life savings.

I know Patels who want their kids to get advanced degrees and I also know Patels who just want their kids to learn how to say, "Thank you for shopping at our store. Please come again."

Shashi Tharoor, minister atwitter

Should government ministers use Twitter to keep the public informed of their daily activities? That’s a question being debated in India, thanks to new Minister of State for External Affairs Shashi Tharoor, who reportedly is the first Indian minister to actively use Twitter.

In case you aren’t one of his growing legion of followers, here’s just a sampling of his recent tweets:

First day in Parliament. Still can’t believe I made it to Delhi! Remind me not to fly Kingfisher again.
7:05 AM May 19th from TwitterBerry

Have given 13 interviews in 3 languages and 2 more TV shows pending. A little overwhelmed by the media scum.
3:31 PM May 19th from TwitterBerry

Scrum. I meant, scrum.
3:32 PM May 19th from TwitterBerry

@koshy no, I won't be tweeting in Malayalam.
6:54 PM May 19th from TwitterBerry

@sreenivasan I've made 500 campaign speeches in Malayalam, given 150+ interviews in Malayalam, cursed my ex-wife in Malayalam!
6:59 PM May 19th from TwitterBerry

@verghese yes, I do regret the last part. I should have done it in French.
7:02 PM May 19th from TwitterBerry

Lunch with Vijay Amritraj, tennis ace and old friend. Discussed Wimbledon, Fed vs. Nad.
2:34 PM May 20th from TwitterBerry

@bhupathi yes, I’m more of a “Go Fed” guy than a “Go Nad” guy.
2:43 PM May 20th from TwitterBerry

Office computer still won’t work  ... too many bugs. Clerk used a spray and 100 roaches ran out!
10:22 AM May 24th from TwitterBerry

Indian, Iranian, what's the difference?

Is that couple Indian or Iranian? My vote would be Indian, though they could pass for several other nationalities. But Iranian? I don't think so. A Huffington Post editor apparently didn't see the difference. As Ryan Tate of Gawker notes, the editor used the photo on April 23 to illustrate an article about divorces in India and used it again on June 9 to accompany a Time excerpt about a "marriage crisis" in Iran. On both pages, if you run your cursor over the photo, you will see the tag "India."

Why does this matter? Well, here are a few reasons:

1. People in the media should know better. Otherwise we'll soon be seeing a HuffPo headline that says: "Obama Visits India, Begins Talks With Manmohan Ahmadinejad."

2. The photo has given unnecessary stress to Iran's morality police, who are searching all over the country for the woman who dares to wear jeans and leave her hair uncovered in public.

3. The couple in the photo seem to be having enough problems, without HuffPo giving the woman another reason to yell at the man: "I told you not to let that guy take our photo. Look what they're @#$%& doing with it! First an article about divorce, then an article about a marriage crisis. What's coming next -- an article about nymphomaniacs?"

A sweet apology on the train

When it comes to providing service to customers, nobody's perfect. But what separates the good companies from the rest is their desire to rectify the mistakes, to make things better. Just look at the fine example Indian Railways Catering and Tourism Corporation (IRCTC) set this week.

When passengers aboard the Delhi-Mumbai August Kranti Rajdhani express reached Vadodara early on Tuesday morning, they were surprised to receive neatly wrapped boxes of sweets and chocolates with an apology message from the Railways.

Apparently, the passengers had not been served snacks the previous evening, and when Indian Railways Catering and Tourism Corporation (IRCTC) officials found out about it, they followed the train carrying the ‘apology gifts’ and caught up with it at Vadodara.

Lalit Sethi, a passenger on the train, said, “We were pleased to see such a reaction from IRCTC. We could not believe that it was happening in India!” [Mumbai Mirror]

Yes, it was happening in India and not without great effort from IRCTC employees. They had to really scramble after learning that a truck carrying the evening snacks had broken down and failed to reach the railway station on time. They had to get a store owner to open his store in the middle of the night, buy chocolates and other sweets, package them and rush them to Vadodara, where the train was due to stop at 4:20 a.m.

On reaching Vadodara at 3 am, they went inside an AC cabin and labelled each pack with a note saying “Sorry for the inconvenience caused to you”.

The staff put the boxes into 18 cartons, one for each compartment, and waited for the train to arrive. They finally boarded the train at Vadodara station at 4.20 am.

Parmar said, “The passengers were sleeping and we waited until they woke up. We then apologised for not serving them evening snacks and gave them the gifts. We had to stay awake the entire night and travel up to Mumbai. However, the entire task was worth it as the commuters appreciated our efforts.” [Mumbai Mirror]

Of course, they appreciated it, adults and kids alike. It's one of the first things you learn in business: Adults appreciate having good service and kids appreciate having sweets for breakfast.

Airlines cutting down on extra weight

Next time you fly, don't be surprised if the plastic fork and spoon you get with your airline meal are shorter than your little finger. Airlines are trying to reduce the weight of items on the plane, hoping to save on fuel costs.

In the United States, Northwest Airlines has excluded spoons from its cutlery pack if the in-flight meal does not require one.

It is not alone, according to Paul Steele, director of the environment at IATA.

Another carrier, JAL of Japan, took everything it loaded from a 747 and put it on the floor of a school gym to see what it really needed.

As a result it shaved a fraction of a centimetre off all its cutlery to cut weight.

"When you are talking about a jumbo jet with 400 people on board, being served two to three meals, this can save a few kilos," he said.

"You work out how much fuel that consumes over a year, and you can be talking about a considerable amount of money". [The Telegraph]

A few kilos can make a big difference, which makes me wonder why a passenger who isn't carrying any extra baggage still has to pay the same for a ticket as a sumo wrestler.

It would be discrimination, of course, to charge heavier passengers more, but shouldn't they be the ones to get the shorter spoons? They could also be asked to share the bag of peanuts, forgo the dessert, and visit the restroom before boarding.

Some other ways airlines can keep the weight down:

• Offer free haircuts in the departure lounge. Some folks carry 10 lbs in hair alone.
• Ban books such as "War and Peace" and "A Suitable Boy" that weigh more than the flight attendants.
• Avoid showing heavy movies such as "Schindler's List" and "Hotel Rwanda."
• Encourage passengers to donate their shoes to the needy and travel barefoot.
• Give free treats to parents who accidentally forget their children in the airport.

Photo by Straußer

The cowboys of Delhi

No, that isn't the cast of Danny Boyle's new movie Slumdog Cowboys -- that's a group of real-life cow catchers. They're rounding up cows from the streets of Delhi, helping to prepare the city for next year's Commonwealth Games, whose organising committee, unfortunately, did not want to add a hurdling element to the marathon.

In India's capital, cattle are both sacred and yet often surprisingly neglected. Cows that may be owned by a farmer and milked regularly, are often left to wander the traffic-filled streets during the day, creating chaos and causing accidents. [Link]

I'm not sure how much chaos they create, but they certainly create a lot of dung. It can be used as fertilizer and fuel, but it's not something you want to see lying on the street, especially if you just paid $500 for a pair of running shoes that you hope will win you a gold medal.

The dangers facing these urban cowboys are many. The horns of a bull can cause nasty injuries and it's common for the cowcatchers to come home with injuries. These young workers – the majority of whom are privately contracted and receive just $70 a month – invariably have no health coverage.

Then there is the threat of the people who either claim to own the cattle, or who disapprove of the supposedly sacred animals being captured and unceremoniously loaded on to a hydraulic truck. "Sometimes people will fight with us and try to release the cows," said Lal Krishnan, 37, a goodnatured cow-catching foreman who has been doing this job for 18 years. "Sometimes they throw stones. Sometimes they beat us up. I've been beaten up before." [Link]

It's a tough job, rounding up cows in India. Never mind that the Commonwealth Games are approaching -- many people think of the cows as their common wealth and don't want you playing games with them.

Paes wins, hugs Navratilova

Leander Paes' triumph at the French Open was cause for great celebration, especially for me and others members of the Association of Rabid Fans of Doubles Tennis. We threw a party Saturday night and really had a good time, all three of us.

Paes and his partner, Lukas Dlouhy of the Czech Republic, won the men's doubles title, beating Wesley Moodie of South Africa and Belgium's Dick Norman 3-6, 6-3, 6-2. (Ignore the first set. Paes was preoccupied, exchanging glances with Martina Navratilova.)

Paes now has nine Grand Slam doubles titles (five men's and four mixed), just two behind his former partner Mahesh Bhupathi (four men's, seven mixed). Bhupathi  has won titles with seven different women, including most recently Sania Mirza at the Australian Open. He's truly amazing. It doesn't matter whom you pair him with -- Mary Pierce, Martina Hingis, Venus Flytrap -- he'll probably win a title.

Paes and Bhupathi won three Grand Slam titles together, the last in 2001, before having some sort of falling out, much to the chagrin of Indian tennis fans. They did get back together for last year's Olympics, somewhat reluctantly, and lost in the quarters to Stanislas Wawrinka and some guy named Roger.

Go America Go!

Here's a Reuters photo (via Uberdesi) taken at an anti-American demonstration organized by Jamaat-e-Islami in Karachi.

Impressed with the signs, U.S. Olympic officials have invited the kids to cheer on the American team at the 2010 Winter Olympics. 

How he became a Patel

The June issue of Khabar magazine has a touching first-person piece called "How I Became a Patel," in which Rick Beltz, a onetime alcoholic, describes how he transformed his life. The turning point, he writes, came a decade ago, when Vipul and Bharti Patel bought the motel in rural North Georgia where he worked as a handyman.

As a Native American who had lived all his life in Toccoa, Georgia, before meeting the Patels, I had very little experience with other cultures. Indeed, my only exposure to other cultures came from my interactions with Hispanics. Other than that, what I knew about worlds outside my North Georgia cocoon came from movies, where foreigners are often portrayed as evil, scheming, greedy characters. To me, people from India were turban-wearing dolts working at the local 7-Eleven. [Link]

That's the impression he had back then, as a non-turban-wearing dolt working at the local motel. The Patels, including Vipul's mother, Gulaben, helped bring him around, saving him from alcoholism, as well as ignorance.

The Patels ... would completely demolish my preconceived notions about Indians and foreigners; but that is the least they would do. Over the years, I would come clean with myself, quit alcohol, start believing in myself, in people, and in life—all because this one family gave me unconditional acceptance and love almost from the time I first met them. [Link]

Flying much safer than driving

Whenever there's a major plane crash, people get anxious about flying. They postpone their vacations  or try to drive to faraway destinations, overwhelming Yahoo and Google with search terms such as "driving distance from West Virginia to Hawaii."

But here's what everyone needs to know: aviation accidents are extremely rare, even if we include all those accidents we never hear about, such as when the drunk guy pulls a muscle getting off the sink in the washroom.

In fact, flying is MUCH safer than driving. In 2007, for example, air crashes in America killed only 44 people, while car accidents killed about 44,000. It should be obvious to you that if you are traveling by plane, you are one thousand times more likely to arrive at your destination, generally speaking, than your luggage is.

So why are we more likely to panic on a plane than in a car? Here are a few reasons:

1. Someone else is in control -- and we usually haven't met him or her. For all we know, Coco the Chimp might be sitting in the cockpit. Serves us right for flying Air Coco.

2. We're afraid of heights. It doesn't help that the pilot insists on telling us how high we are: "We are now cruising at an altitude of 35,000 feet. If you look down to the left, you will see the Rocky Mountains. And on the right, you will see Yao Ming."

3. We are always being reminded what to do in an emergency. "In case of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device, the plastic cups can be used as goggles and the in-flight magazine can be used to beat off sharks."

Imagine how my kids would feel if I made an announcement before every car trip: “Kids, in case I accidentally steer our car into a lake, please calmly remove your seat belts, move quickly to the front of the car and stop your mother from hitting me on the head.”

Population explosion in India

It was only a decade ago that India's population reached one billion. But it's now so much higher than that.

State-owned Indian railways is an immense network connecting every corner of the vast country. More than 6 billion people travel by train in India every year. [Link]

Yikes! Talk about population explosion!

I knew this would happen, I just knew it. India's population growth was just fine until the turn of the century -- and then someone had to go and invent Viagra.