Nshima & Curry

The plagiarism policy that was plagiarized

How embarrassing is this? A committee at Southern Illinois University was supposed to develop a plagiarism policy, but somehow ended up plagiarizing Indiana University's plagiarism policy.

Members of a committee formed in response to plagiarism accusations levied against a former university administrator received word this week that they need to reconvene and examine documents they may have plagiarized.

According to The Chronicle of Higher Education, the 10-member committee of Southern Illinois University academics and administrators commissioned to develop a plagiarism policy may have borrowed from Indiana University’s definition—without citing IU.

SIU officials seemed surprised by the news and stressed the policy was still in draft form. [Link]

The policy may be in draft form, but the officials are definitely in daft form. If the draft is plagiarized, there's a pretty good chance that the final document would be plagiarized too.

Perhaps the president of SIU should send the committee members a note reprimanding them. But before he does that, he'd better make sure the president of Indiana University hasn't sent out an identical note.

The reality of getting a job

Every summer, teams in the National Football League (NFL) bring 80 players to training camp. For about six weeks they compete for 53 spots on the final roster, as well as eight spots on the practice squad and three spots on the water boy crew.

That's 64 coveted jobs up for grabs, so you can imagine how competitive it is. Receivers try to impress coaches by catching every ball that's thrown to them, defensive backs try to disrupt passes and deliver big hits, and running backs try to dart through gaps between autograph-seeking fans.

This year the Dallas Cowboys are trying something different. They're giving one of the training camp spots to someone from a reality show. No, not Simon Cowell, though "Cowell the Cowboy" has a nice ring to it and fans like me would pay big bucks to see if the American Idol judge can make it through training camp with any of his teeth left.

The training camp spot will go to the winner of a new reality show on Spike TV. The show will be hosted by former Cowboys player Michael Irvin, who's one of the NFL's greatest possession receivers -- and I'm not just talking about drug possession.

Six receivers and six defensive backs will compete on the show, which does not have a name yet, though it's fairly obvious what it should be called: "Who wants to be killed at training camp?"

Why men and women shouldn't play soccer together

A mixed soccer game took place in Iran a week ago and the authorities were none too happy. 

TEHRAN, Iran - The first mixed soccer game - females versus males - since the 1979 Islamic revolution led to swift punishment Monday as six individuals were suspended and fines C$15,000 were issued.

Iran’s strict Islamic rules ban any physical contact between unrelated men and women, and Iranian women are even banned from attending soccer games when male teams play.

Three officials with the men’s team - a coach and two managers - were suspended after first denying the game took place. But video clips on cellphones of the game were used as evidence against them, the Vatan-e-Emrooz daily newspaper reported.

Esteghlal, one of Iran’s top two soccer clubs, said its disciplinary committee suspended two officials for a year while a third was suspended for six months. A fourth official was fined, a report posted on the club’s website said. ...

The Jan. 20 game between the club’s female team and its youth male team in Tehran was the first time in the 30 years of Iran’s Islamic establishment that males and females played soccer together, observers said. [Link]

I don't agree with the punishment, but I'm a firm believer that men and woman should not play soccer against each other. In fact, I've held this belief for more than a decade -- ever since a female player made me look silly during a soccer game. She took the ball away from me, dribbled past me, really hurt my male ego.

It's humiliating enough when another man beats you with a great move. But when a woman does it, well ... you feel like running straight home, taking off your cleats and hammering them into the side of your head.

So how did I get over this? How was I able to look at myself in the mirror again? Well, I reminded myself that female soccer players have a distinct advantage. They have to worry about only one ball. We men, on the other hand, have to protect ourselves.

Diary of Barack Obama's Pakistani roommate

The ongoing search for all photos and documents from President Obama’s past has turned up a diary that his Pakistani roommate kept in the early 1980s. Some of the entries are quite revealing:

Aug. 28, 1981: Barack and I went searching for furniture today. We found a couch that someone had dumped on the street. It doesn’t look too bad, once we turned the cushions over. It doesn’t smell bad either, once Barack sprayed it with his Brut.

Sept. 14, 1981: Barack and I have been eating pizza, macaroni and cheese, and Ramen noodles for dinner. But today, I decided to make chicken curry for a change. Barack tasted it and said, “Mmmm … This is a good change. Did I tell you how much I believe in change?”

Oct. 2, 1981: I tried to get Barack to give up cigarettes today. I said to him, “Why smoke cigarettes when you can smoke pot?” But it didn’t work. Poor guy. He really needs some help.

Nov. 13, 1981: Barack is a little too square. I’m trying to get him to be more stylish, more cool. Yesterday, I took him to see the movie Sholay at a friend’s house, hoping that Amitabh Bachchan’s style would rub off on him. And today, Barack is walking around wearing a wide-collared shirt and saying, “Tera naam kya hai, Basanti?”

Nov. 20, 1981: Barack is such a dreamer. He talks about being leader of America one day. I told him that he needs to shoot for something more realistic, such as leader of the church choir. I mean, the day a black man becomes leader of America is the day I need to give up weed.

The rat that ran up Obama's leg

Did you hear about the rat that ran up Barack Obama's leg? No, it didn't happen at the inauguration, though I'm sure many rats would have liked to. And not just Democrats.

Obama's encounter with the rat happened 15 years ago, when he was working for a Chicago law firm. As his former boss recalled:
"Our law firm is in an old building that at one time had a problem with rats running around in the conference room. And Barack was down there one time hosting a meeting and one ran right up his leg.  Without batting an eyelash he shook the rat off and continued to talk at the meeting in a completely composed way.  Other people would have erupted." [Link]

Yes, other people would have erupted, but not SuperObama!

I don't know why this wasn't brought up during the presidential campaign. Imagine how many more Americans would have voted for Obama had they known how good he is with rats. His political ad would have been very effective: "Barack Obama once shook off a rat during a meeting. Imagine how well he'll deal with lobbyists."

It's too bad that the rat isn't alive, because if it were, we can be certain of one thing: it would have appeared on Larry King Live.

King: "Tonight, we have a very special guest: the rat that climbed up Barack Obama's leg. Thank you for being here, Mr. Rodent. How do you feel about your newfound celebrity?"

Rodent: "It feels good, except for one thing: I don't like being followed around by the papa-rat-zi."

King: "Let's cut to the chase. Why did you run up Barack Obama's leg?"

Rodent: "I didn't mean to. I was just trying to win the rat race."

King: "Was it the last leg of the race?"

Rodent: "No, it was the first leg. I was supposed to run up the first leg and down the second. But he didn't let me finish the race."

King: "What did he say?"

Rodent: "He said, 'What do you think this is, Central Park?'"

King: "And what did you do?"

Rodent: "I kept going. As you probably know, it's hard to get out of the rat race."

King: "And what did he say?"

Rodent: "He said, 'If you don't stop, I'll take you to see my Aunt Thelma. She makes very good rat soup."

King: "He was kidding, right?"

Rodent: "I'm not sure. I didn't stick around to find out."

Report: Obama Approval Rating Shoots Up Again

WASHINGTON D.C. -- After a mere 12 hours in office, President Barack Obama's approval rating shot up from 79 percent to 98 percent.

A CNN/USA TODAY/Gallup poll conducted at midnight on Inauguration Day found that almost all Americans and most Mexicans approved of Obama's performance.

"What's not to like?" said John Whitaker, 79, of Miami. "The man hasn't done anything but smile and wave."

Mary Walters, 28-year-old from Philadelphia, disagreed. "He dances real fine," she said. "I totally approve of his ballroom dancing."

For others, it was Obama's inauguration speech that gave them reason to approve. "I very much approved the speech," said Suresh Gupta, an immigrant from India. "Did you know that he mentioned 'Hindus' in it?"

Carson Williams, editor of Style magazine, said he approved of Obama's suit. "Style is obviously important to him," Williams said. "That's why we're giving him a free subscription."

Some Democrats noted that Obama, in his first 12 hours in office, kept America safe from terrorist attacks. "I approve of that," said Cindy Peters, 45, of Cleveland. "So far, so good."

Others were pleased that he hadn't declared war on any country. "He seems like a man who truly believes in peace," said William James, 60, of Chicago. "Just look at how many hands he shook on his first day in office."

Republicans were just as enthusiastic about Obama's performance. "I didn't vote for him, but I can't help approving of his performance," said Rhonda Graham, 48, of San Francisco. "He didn't just pick Rev. Rick Warren to pray at the inauguration, he even kept his eyes closed during the entire prayer."

Several Mexicans working at a farm near Dallas said they approved of Obama, too. "Very good president," a man named Miguel said.

Asked to explain, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "The speech. The speech, of course. Our boss go to listen to speech and we get to take a break."

Meanwhile, the approval rating of Obama lookalike Ilham Anas of Indonesia rose from 92 percent to 99 percent. Many Indonesians approved of what he did during the first 12 hours: waving, shaking hands and smiling.

"Our Obama was great," said Hamid Yusuf, 24, of Jakarta. "He did almost the same things as their Obama."

Travel to Indonesia, meet Obama

If you want a photo of yourself with Barack Obama and don't have any connections, just travel to Indonesia and ask Ilham Anas if he'll pose with you. He's getting many such requests, so you may have to stand in line -- but it probably won't cost you much. And imagine how envious your friends will be when they see a photo of the president with his arm around you.

Yes, Anas is an Obama lookalike and he's from the same country as Obama's step-father, where Obama spent a few years of his childhood.

'When Obama won, my colleagues played a practical joke on me -- they made me  wear a suit, a tie, and took pictures of me posing as Obama,' Mr Anas said.

'The pictures spread very quickly on the Internet. It was phenomenal. Then TV stations and an advertising agency got in touch with me.'

The similarity from certain angles has led to plenty of attention including a starring role in a TV advert for pharmaceuticals in the Philippines.

'I never thought I would be a star in a commercial, then this happened. It's very fortunate,' Mr Anas said.

'I was in the airport in Malaysia and a man approached me and asked: "Are you Obama?" I was very surprised when he asked to take a picture together and bought me a meal.' [Link]

So there you go -- it will only cost you a meal to impress your friends.

Friend: "Wow, is that Barack Obama with you?"

You: "Who else could it be?"

Friend: "Well, it looks like him, except ..."

You: "Except what?"

Friend: "His ears are too small. Aren't Obama's ears as big as Bush's?"

You: "You've been looking at too many cartoons. Don't you know that cartoonists exaggerate features?"

Friend: "No, I've also seen photos of Obama."

You: "Those must have been old photos."

Friend: "So what?"

You (whispering): "Well, don't tell anyone, but I think he's had plastic surgery. His ears seemed rather small to me too."

Into the river with three-inch heels

Ladies, ladies, ladies, when will you learn? You don't have to make a fashion statement all the time. You don't have to wear three-inch heels everywhere, including flights from New York City to Charlotte? I mean, what if a flock of geese fly into the plane and the pilot is forced to make an emergency landing in a river? Those three-inch heels might just make you feel like a ... well, heel.

Molly Schugel, 32, who sat in a mid-cabin exit row, said that screams were audible and that there was "definitely fear in the plane." But she and her seatmates used their last airborne moments to scan the emergency diagrams on the exit hatch.

"We're all studying the door, what to do," she said. "Every plane you fly has different handles. The guy next to me, soon as we hit the water, he opened the door within seconds, and we got out."

Schugel, a Bank of America executive, came to regret her choice of three-inch heels.

"They were very cute," she said, but they offered little purchase atop a wing slick with jet fuel and water. "We had to go out to the very narrow part to let more people out on the wing. I was trying to take them off, holding onto the lady next to me, and then I'm barefoot on the wing. I don't know if it was a wave or what, but I slid right off the wing into the water."

Submerged to her shoulders and gasping, Schugel said she knew she would not last long in the cold. A stranger from the row in front of her, risking his own footing, reached to fish her out. Someone inflated the emergency ramp, but in the commotion, it overturned, and no one could clamber aboard. [Link]

Making a fashion statement isn't as important as keeping yourself alive. So next time you fly, consider wearing the following: (1) swimming flippers; (2) a spandex wetsuit; (3) a pair of goggles; and (4)an oxygen tank.

You may look silly, but would you rather be voted "Most Stylish Woman at the Bottom of the River"?

HOPE: Has Obama Promised Enough?

Some people believe that Barack Obama made too many promises during the presidential campaign and will have a hard time keeping them.

Barack Obama made 510 promises when he was running for president, a list that is stunning in its scope and leaves almost no part of the executive branch untouched, according to a new analysis by PolitiFact.

The analysis found that Obama made more than twice as many promises as George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, whose campaign pledges were examined by other news organizations. Bush made 177 promises in 2000 and Clinton made 204 in 1992, as reported by the Knight Ridder Washington Bureau (now McClatchy).

Obama made sweeping promises like ending the Iraq war and cutting taxes on the middle class, and narrow ones like establishing programs to help animals survive global warming, weatherizing 1-million low-income homes per year and increasing tax deductions for artists. [Link]

He made 510 promises, but I really think he should have made 520. Here are 10 more promises I wish he had made:

1. I promise to create a special advisory board to help Oprah Winfrey come to terms with her weight.

2. I promise to establish a special task force to hunt down every last Nigerian scam artist.

3. I promise to appoint the Rev. Al Sharpton as Ambassador to the North Pole. And Deepak Chopra as Ambassador to the South Pole.

4. I promise to make it legal to throw tomatoes at anyone in the telemarketing industry.

5. I promise to consider the possibility, remote as it might be, that Israel is not always right.

6. I promise to deport the next person who demands that someone else be deported.

7. I promise to organize a peace summit to help solve the rift between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.

8. I promise to sit through an entire Bollywood movie. And follow that up with Kollywood, Tollywood and Nollywood.

9. I promise to invite Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe to the White House -- and sic our new dog on him.

10. I promise to sponsor legislation that requires all employers to adopt a three-day work week.

Memo to staff: Very important appointment

To: All staff

From: Barack Obama

Subject: Very important appointment

I have made a number of appointments over the last few weeks, but I still have several more to make, including one that's of utmost importance. I want to make sure we get it right. I want to be able to tell the American public that we spent adequate time evaluating the candidates, checking and double-checking their background, using every tool at our disposal to decide who is the most qualified to serve, for the next four years, as the White House dog. 

Americans will be very disappointed if I announce in a few weeks that the dog we selected just didn't pan out, that it wasn't right for the White House, that we had to show it the door. My opponents would pounce on this news, accusing me of failing to keep my campaign promise to minimize job losses. And there would undoubtedly be protests outside the White House, not just from the American Canine Liberties Association (ACLU), but also the Federation of Independent Dog Organizations (FIDO).

It would be a huge disappointment, of course, to my daughters, Malia and Sasha. As you know, they've been asking for a dog for several years and, over the last year or so, I've sort of made it my pet project. I believe that the more methodical we are, the better our chances of selecting the ideal dog, one that will not only bring honor to our family and the White House, but will also represent us well at various dog functions. In a few months, Italy will host the G8 Dog Summit and I don't want to send just any old mutt there.

There's so much you can do with your head

You don't have to go to a circus to see amazing feats. Just check out this Bangladeshi brick mover (via Ultrabrown):

When that man was growing up, his parents kept saying to him: "Use your head, son! Use your head!"

Meanwhile, my wife keeps saying to me, "Why don't you ever use your head?"

It's incredible what people can do with their heads. They can carry baskets of groceries:

 

They can carry 100 lb bags of charcoal, while also carrying a baby:

 

They can carry television sets:
 

And they can carry new $2,500 Indian cars:

Basket photo by Nir Nussbaum; charcoal photo by Mansir Petrie; TV photo by Max-thinks-sees.

It's a bad economy, so don't leave that bad marriage

If you're thinking of getting a divorce, you might want to consider other options. It's just not a good time to pack up and leave.

The recession and economic turmoil is creating a new class of casualties: married couples who can't afford to get divorced. In these tough times, many people are finding it's cheaper to stay together, even when they can't stand each other. [Link]

Yes, living with that spouse that you've grown to love hate is better than living in an old crate. Especially if you can find ways to live together, but stay apart.

Here are just a few of the possibilities:

1. Live in the shed. It might get a little cold in there, but at least you won't be breathing the same air as you-know-who. You can always go to the house if you need to use the bathroom, raid the fridge or make sure your spouse hasn't set fire to your sports memorabilia.

2. Live in the car. A Kansas man has been doing it for almost a decade and it seems to be working for him, but only because he was smart enough to get a long extension cord for the TV. If you've got a big car, such as a Chevy Suburban, you can even have the kids over on weekends. Just don't let any of them sleep in your emergency bathroom (also known as the trunk).

3. Live in the basement. Basements are pretty good places to live, even if it seems like yet another example of your spouse putting you down. You don't need to use an extension cord to watch TV and, with all the pipes going down there, you can keep tabs on how often your spouse uses the bathroom. What's the point in splitting the water bill 50:50 when you haven't taken a shower since the last recession?

4. Live in the spare bedroom. This is probably the second-last resort, because it would be hard for you to enjoy much privacy. But if you have your own bathroom and a separate entrance, it could work out quite well, especially if the bedroom is big enough to store all the empty Domino's Pizza boxes.

5. Live in the same bedroom. This might seem like a nightmare scenario, but there are ways to make it work. For example, your spouse could sleep on the bed and you could sleep under it. Sleeping on top may seem like an advantage, but in the middle of the night, when the snoring gets too loud, who do you think can make the best use of a needle?

An amorous text message from a call center worker

I often get annoyed at call center workers, especially when they call me at an inopportune time. But at least none of them has tried to get romantic with me, as a call center romeo did with a British woman who had signed up for a BT (British Telecom) landline.

"A few days later I had a call from a call centre from a gentleman who sounded overseas who processed all the order.

"I got a second phone call from him saying I had an email confirmation and he started asking personal questions like what I was doing that day.

"Then I started getting text messages."

One message read "Hello, we spoke two hours ago regarding ur BT order. U must be thinking dat why I called u up second time without any reason of the call but to be honest I got attracted towards you and your wonderful voice. Can i be ur friend?"

Another read: "As precious as u r to me, as precious only few can ever be, I know all friends r hard to choose but u r someone i never want to lose. Take care xxx." [Link]

The woman says she felt "violated" and complained to BT. The company disciplined the worker and tried to appease the woman.

The company has sent her flowers and made an offer of £250 compensation. [Link]

Sent her flowers? Isn't that how BT got in trouble in the first place -- trying to get romantic with her?

The woman made a complaint about the call center worker, but perhaps she should have scared him off the way women usually scare men off.

And if that didn't work, she could have tried the "Dad's coming" approach:

 

And finally, she could have tried the "Got cash?" approach:

 

Searching for a "real" woman

Does a woman have to be ultra-slim to be beautiful? Of course not, as this photo from Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty shows. It also shows that a beautiful woman doesn't have to be white, doesn't have to be young and doesn't have to have feet.

We may see more women like these in ads, especially if advertisers pay attention to new research and stop drooling over that runway model who once surprised her boyfriend by popping out of the toaster.

The advertising world's perennial reliance on young, white and extremely thin models has long faced criticism from feminists and health campaigners. Now, new research at a leading UK business school suggests it might be doing something else: harming companies' balance sheets.

In what is believed to be the first such global survey of female consumers' attitudes, the research says women respond more favourably to a brand if the models it uses somehow mirror their own identities.

Advertisers cannot, however, simply enlist a few fuller-figured models, says Ben Barry, who is carrying out the research at Cambridge University's Judge business school: "In general, people have a more favourable reaction to brands that show models who represent people's age, size and background.

"It's not necessarily enough to show one component which is similar - people really wanted to see someone who represents them in all three factors." [Link]

Yeah, but there are so many ages, sizes and backgrounds. Even if an ad features the "real" women in the picture above, there'd still be lots of other "real" women who wouldn't be represented.

For example, I don't see a woman with lots of extra baggage.

I don't see a woman with a large figure. 

And I don't see a woman with a big ass.

Flight of the Obama relatives

Kenya Airways Flight KQ102 had just left Jomo Kenyatta International Airport in Nairobi, bound for London. The chief flight attendant, John Mburu, glanced at the manifest and was pleased to see that almost every passenger on the flight was named Obama. There was a George Obama, a Yusuf Obama, a Miriam Obama, even a Sanjay Obama.

They must all be going to the inauguration, Mburu thought. He had heard that Barack Obama had 1,432 relatives in Kenya, twice as many as he did before the election.

It made him feel proud, like he was part of history, serving the new president's relatives on the first leg of their journey. Perhaps, when things were quieter in the cabin, he would ask one of the Obamas if they would bring back a souvenir for him, such as an official 2009 Presidential Inauguration bottle of wine.

He couldn't believe how loud it was in the cabin. It was almost midnight, but there was so much chatter and merriment, he could barely hear the engine of the Boeing 777. He decided to walk slowly down the aisle, pretending to check the overhead compartments, hoping to catch snippets of conversation.

“I don’t understand him at all,” a middle-aged man was saying to another in the first row. “He hasn’t offered us any jobs. What kind of African politician is he?”

“That’s the problem,” the second man said. “He isn’t an African politician. He is an African-American politician.”

“But he is African first, then American. Otherwise he would be American-African.”

“You are right, brother. We need to remind him of that. What position would you like?”

“Oh, that’s easy. United States Ambassador to Kenya. What about you?”

“I want to be Special Envoy to the Oprah Winfrey Show.” They both laughed.

Gupta Girls excited about the next Surgeon General

Dr. Sanjay Gupta, neurosurgeon and correspondent for CNN and CBS, has been offered the position of Surgeon General in the Obama Administration, creating excitement not just among Indian-Americans, but also a group of women who call themselves the Gupta Girls. They've been maintaining a fan site for him, featuring a page of "pretty pictures"of Dr. Gupta. Naturally, I had to interview their leader, a woman who prefers to be known just as a Gupta Girl.

Me: "Where were you when you heard the news?"

Gupta Girl: "I was at 7-Eleven, getting a soda. One of my friends, who is also a Gupta Girl, called me. I screamed so loud, people thought I had won the lottery. I spent the rest of the day calling and emailing all the other Gupta Girls. We're so happy that our efforts have paid off."

Me: "Efforts? You mean you helped bring this about?"

Gupta Girl: "Well, we had nothing to do with the fact that Dr. Gupta is the handsomest, most intelligent, most eloquent doctor in the world ... "

Me: "On your website, you call him the 'Sexiest Doctor on the Face of the Planet.'"

Gupta Girl: "Yes, he's that too. We have nothing to do with any of that. But we did give money to President-elect Obama's campaign."

Me: "Did you ask Obama to appoint Gupta? Is this going to turn into a Blagojevich-like scandal?"

Gupta Girl: "No, nothing like that. Each of us just gave a little money and included a note that said: 'We love Barack Obama. He's almost as cute as Dr. Sanjay Gupta.'"

Wear that T-shirt proudly

Sometimes it's worth fighting for your rights. Not only will you get justice for yourself, you'll help others avoid the same plight.

An airline passenger forced to cover his T-shirt because it displayed Arabic script has been awarded 240,000 dollars in compensation, campaigners said Monday.

Raed Jarrar received the pay out on Friday from two US Transportation Security Authority officials and from JetBlue Airways following the August 2006 incident at New York's JFK Airport, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) announced.

"The outcome of this case is a victory for free speech and a blow to the discriminatory practice of racial profiling," said Aden Fine, a lawyer with ACLU.

Jarrar, a US resident, was apprehended as he waited to board a JetBlue flight from New York to Oakland, California, and told to remove his shirt, which had written on it in Arabic: "We will not be silent."

He was told other passengers felt uncomfortable because an Arabic-inscribed T-shirt in an airport was like "wearing a T-shirt at a bank stating, I am a robber,'" the ACLU said. [Link]

That's crazy, of course. The message on his T-shirt was harmless. He shouldn't have been punished for everyone else's ignorance. What would come next, a law that only English words are permitted on T-shirts?

Jarrar's case will probably make it easier to wear certain types of T-shirts while flying. But if you're going to wear any of these, do so at your own risk:

Getting Canadian citizenship the easy way

There are three easy ways to get Canadian citizenship: (1) marry a Canadian citizen; (2) get a Canadian family to adopt you; and (3) get your mother to give birth to you while flying over Canada.

Well, the third one isn't so easy, especially if you've already been born. But for at least one baby, it was a cinch.

A transatlantic flight arrived in America with an extra passenger after a Ugandan woman gave birth to a baby girl with the help of two doctors aboard.

Passengers cheered and applauded the arrival of little Sasha aboard Northwest Airlines Flight 59 from Amsterdam to Boston on New Year’s Eve, and even offered the new-born baby food.

The healthy 6 1/2lb infant was immediately taken to Massachusetts General Hospital on landing in Boston. But she is considered a Canadian citizen because she was born in Canadian airspace. [Link]

I'm not sure if her mother is thrilled about that. Perhaps she's saying to herself, "If only I had kept my baby inside me for a few minutes longer, she could have been an American."

It was an eight-hour flight that was normal for the first six hours -- until the woman went into labor. That's when the crew asked if there were any doctors on board.

Dr Paresh Thakker, returning home from his medical school reunion in India, and Dr Natarajan Raman, who had been at a wedding in India, both responded to the call. They found the woman doubled over and wailing in her seat in row 33 with labour pains.

The flight crew asked Dr Thakkar, a former emergency room doctor who now works as the medical director at a Massachusetts health centre, if he wanted the plane to make an emergency landing.

“I said, ’No, let me examine her first. I examined her and the head was coming out. So I said, ’No, it’s an emergency and we will do it here,’ “ he told the Boston Globe. [Link]

It must not have been easy, giving birth on a plane. But then again, how many Ugandan women -- or women of any nationality, for that matter -- get to give birth with two doctors assisting them?

Sad news: India is dead

The White House has announced that India is dead. Pakistan has denied responsibility.

India was an 18-year-old black American Shorthair cat. She was quite famous, particularly in India, where her name touched off protests during Bush's early White House years. As I mentioned in a column back then, some folks apparently found it insulting that the name of our motherland could be heard around the White House in sentences such as these:

--- "India, stop licking the First Lady's feet. That's the president's job."

--- "India, please stop fighting with the dogs. Neither of them is named Pakistan."

--- "Does anyone know where India is? The president has been looking for several hours, but can't find it on the map."

According to the White House website, India was named for former Texas Ranger baseball player, Ruben Sierra, who was called "El Indio." She loved to eat tuna-flavored kitty treats and take naps under the bed. Democrats may not be surprised to learn that her favorite sport was "hiding from owners."

She must have lived a good life. Not many cats get to pee ... I mean, be ... in the White House.

Fired for being fat

Air India is trimming its staff, so to speak. It has fired 10 flight attendants for weighing too much, a move that could save the airline millions of rupees in fuel costs. Well, perhaps not, but the airline apparently believes it will benefit in three other ways:

(1) More young men will fly Air India. After all, their primary reason for flying is not to reach a particular destination, but to check out the flight crew.

(2) No more emergency landings. "Mayday, mayday! This is Captain Suresh. We need to make an emergency landing. One of our flight attendants is stuck in the washroom!"

(3) Less food to take on board. It's hard enough to keep passengers fed; who wants to worry about flight attendants who gain a pound or two during each break?

Sheila Joshi, 51, an Air India hostess with 27 years of service who lodged an unsuccessful petition with India's High Court to declare the airline's weight policy unconstitutional, said: "It is incredibly upsetting that working women are being targeted. This is not a modelling job; we are not working a catwalk."

Mrs Joshi, who at 5ft 3in (1.6 metres) can weigh a maximum of 63.5kg (10 stones) under Air India's rules, successfully dieted down from 66kg when the airline abolished the “three kilos' grace” it had previously allowed its employees two years ago. For those who lost the battle of the bulge, however, there was no leniency. “Now, if you are just ten grams over it's goodbye,” Mrs Joshi said. “It's ridiculous: weight is not an infectious disease.” [Link]

I sympathize with Joshi, but unfortunately, Air India is not the only airline that imposes weight restrictions on its flight attendants. Here, for example, is a photo of a Kingfisher Airlines flight attendant:

Presidents age faster than any of us

An article in the Boston Globe confirms what we've long suspected: President George W. Bush is senile.

Actually, what the article suggests is that occupants of the White House turn gray and wrinkled extremely fast.

The pounding stress of the job can unleash biological forces that translate into wrinkles, gray hair, weight fluctuation - and sometimes even premature death, although there is far from universal agreement on the long-term health effects of the presidency.

Dr. Michael Roizen, who has written extensively on aging, said a formula he helped develop suggests that for every year in office, the average president ages two years.

"It doesn't matter if they're Democrats or Republicans, it doesn't matter if they've been athletes or not beforehand, it doesn't matter if they were smokers or not," said Roizen, chief wellness officer at the Cleveland Clinic. "For eight years in office, they age 16 years." [Link]

Indeed, here's a quick look at some of the things that can change in the space of eight years:

Please help feed the starving models

I'm sure many of you donated money and food generously over the holiday season to help the  underprivileged. I wouldn't normally ask you to reach into your pockets again, but I've come across a dire situation that needs immediate attention. Just look at the picture of Tania Mehra, a model from the DesiClub.com Swimsuit Calendar 2009, and tell me that it doesn't touch your heart, make you feel like reaching out and helping. Mehra and her calendar mates need our help. We cannot sit idly by while they waste away. Even a few morsels of food would help.

Please donate generously to the "Feed the Models" fund, P.O. Box 3472, Jeneross City, Nevada. Because unless we act quickly, we may lose an entire generation of pretty women.

Please also consider participating in the "Adopt a Model" program. I'm sure there are lots of men out there (and perhaps some women) who would love to adopt Tania and pay for her food on a regular basis. As for me, I'm going to be sponsoring Stella Simone.

If my wife lets me.

'It just so happened' that Muslims were pulled off a plane

It's a new year (and also a new day), but one thing we can still count on is people of Islamic and/or South Asian background being pulled off planes.

Officials ordered nine Muslim passengers, including three young children, off an AirTran flight headed to Orlando from Reagan National Airport yesterday afternoon after two other passengers overheard what they thought was a suspicious remark. [Link]

A suspicious remark? I wonder what it was. Did one of them say to another: "You take the window seat. I may need to get up during the flight." Or did he say, "Good news, Kashif! The flight attendants are all female!"

Kashif Irfan, one of the removed passengers, said the incident began about 1 p.m. after his brother, Atif, and his brother's wife wondered aloud about the safest place to sit on an airplane.

"My brother and his wife were discussing some aspect of airport security," Irfan said. "The only thing my brother said was, 'Wow, the jets are right next to my window.' I think they were remarking about safety." [Link]

Ah, I can see why the other passengers were concerned: "Those Muslims are talking about airport security. They know where the jets are. OH MY GOD! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

Irfan said he and the others think they were profiled because of their appearance. He said five of the six adults in the party are of South Asian descent, and all six are traditionally Muslim in appearance, with the men wearing beards and the women in headscarves. ...

AirTran spokesman Tad Hutcheson agreed that the incident amounted to a misunderstanding. But he defended AirTran's handling of the incident, which he said strictly followed federal rules. And he denied any wrongdoing on the airline's part.

"At the end of the day, people got on and made comments they shouldn't have made on the airplane, and other people heard them," Hutcheson said. "Other people heard them, misconstrued them. It just so happened these people were of Muslim faith and appearance. It escalated, it got out of hand and everyone took precautions." [Link]

I love the way he phrased that: "It just so happened that these people were of Muslim faith and appearance."

If he was being truly honest, he would say, "Of course, they looked like Muslims. Had they been white, the pilot would have gone to them and said, 'Ah, I see that you've spotted the jets. Would you like to take a tour of the cockpit?'"

AirTran's slogan, by the way, is "go. there's nothing stopping you." Perhaps they should change it to: "go on another airline, Muslims. there's nothing stopping you."

Photo by James Willamor

Technology helps the train go -- right past the station!

I've always been slow to adopt new technology, partly because I know how quickly I become dependent on it. Just the other day, I needed to switch the channel on TV and spent 10 minutes searching for the remote. Then it finally occurred to me: why not just ask one of my kids to walk up to the TV and push the buttons there?

Technology can make our lives easier, but it can also make them more complicated. Just ask the passengers on a British train:

Passengers on a Southern service from East Croydon were stunned when they were told that their stopping train would skip six stations and go direct to the end of the line in Caterham, Surrey.

When they got there the driver said the reason was that the train had lost its satellite link.

Because some stations have shorter platforms than others it meant that he could not open the right doors at every station on the route. The loss of the satellite link meant that passengers who had wanted stations in between had to wait half an hour for another train.

One passenger said: “It’s absolutely bizarre. We now have trains that can’t let the passengers out because they fail to pick up signals from outer space.”

A spokesman for Southern said: “A lot of our trains have GPS which recognises where the train is and allows it to open the doors at the station, depending on the length of the train and the length of the platform.”

He added: “Doors can be opened manually in an emergency but we would not recommend it at other times.” [Link]

They're a little too dependent on technology, wouldn't you say? But they're not the only ones, of course. Don't be surprised if you ask a Wal-Mart employee to show you where the coffee-makers are kept and he says, "Sorry, I can't help you. My GPS isn't working."

Photo by asplosh

Happy New Year? What happened to 2008?

The older you get, the faster the years seem to fly by. At least that's how it seems to me. Here we are in 2009 already and I'm still working on my New Year's resolutions for 2008. We're now just a year from 2010 and I'm going to be asking myself, "What happened to that decade? Where did it go? Was I in a coma or something?"

I'm a family man with little children, so I didn't do much celebrating, especially compared to all those carefree people dancing on my TV screen. Many of them were in NYC (New Year City) of course:

As the clock struck midnight, a ton of confetti rained down while the partygoers hugged and kissed.

Josh Torres and his girlfriend, Sarah Manganello, both 21, screamed and cheered as they watched the ball drop. Manganello had advice for people in the new year: "Learn from what you've done and move forward." [Link]

That's good advice. Sometimes I find myself making the same mistakes over and over. Not learning from them. Just repeating them. If you do things the same way, you get the same results. That's why I'm going to do things differently this year. I'm going to make some drastic changes. For example:

1. I'm going to type with my toes. Typing with my fingers has gotten me nowhere. I still haven't written a great novel.

2. I'm going to have dessert first. Before any of my kids get to it. "Sorry kids," I'm going to say. "I've finished the pie. Feel free to have a second helping of spinach."

3. I'm going to agree with my wife -- whatever she says. Disagreeing with her is like having stock in General Motors -- it just doesn't pay any dividends. So I'm going to say "Yes, dear" more and "Hello couch" less.

The case of the disappearing mustache

Say it isn't so. Please tell me that Indian men are sporting facial hair as enthusiastically as ever, that the choir-boy look isn't taking over. I've had a goatee for the last decade or so and don't want to be seen as a relic, a reminder of what Indians used to look like. According to a new book, I have reason to be concerned.

"Hair India - A Guide to the Bizarre Beards and Magnificent Moustaches of Hindustan" says that India's extravagant beards and moustaches - proudly sported by generations of Indian men - are being trimmed as the country becomes more clean-shaven and urban.

Author Richard McCallum says that clean chins are becoming more commonplace among younger people who no longer have role models sporting beards or moustaches.

He points out that most well-known Indian cricket players no longer have facial hair, while many in Bollywood have opted instead for token designer stubble.

Mr McCallum spent several months travelling the length and breadth of the country to find the bushiest beards and most magisterial moustaches before they disappeared forever. [Link]

Disappeared forever? Please don't scare me like that. I really don't want to live in a world with no handle-bar mustaches and bee-hive beards, a world where every man is a smooth operator.

While facial hair will always be proudly displayed by Sikhs, for whom "kesh" (uncut hair) is a religious principle, it seems that ... [Link]

Ah yes, the Sikhs. I can always count on the Sikhs. Thank God for the Sikhs.