FunnyColumns

Copy editing an American newspaper from India

About a year ago, the website Pasadena Now shocked the American media by hiring two reporters in India to cover Pasadena, Calif., City Council meetings. Now a more prominent California media outlet, the Orange County Register, is trying to find out whether copy editing can be outsourced to India.

SANTA ANA, Calif. (AP) -- An Indian company will take over copy editing duties for some stories published in The Orange County Register and will handle page layout for a community newspaper at the company that owns the Pulitzer Prize-winning daily, the newspaper confirmed Tuesday.

Orange County Register Communications Inc. will begin a one-month trial with Mindworks Global Media at the end of June, said John Fabris, a deputy editor at the Register.

Mindworks' Web site says the company is based outside New Delhi and describes its work as providing "high-quality editorial and design services to global media firms ... using top-end journalistic and design talent in India." [Link]

The Register's editors may have been enticed by the words "high-quality" and "top-end," but what really got them drooling were some other words: "low-cost" and "dirt cheap." For what they pay one copy editor in California, they can probably hire three copy editors in India, each of whom can hire three assistant copy editors.

It makes good business sense, right? Well, it depends on whom you ask. The stockholders and highly paid executives of media companies may love the idea, but the hard-working American journalists whose jobs are evaporating may want to book a ticket to India to visit Mindworks Global Media and strangle the "top-end" talent.

Many will of course question whether the Indian copy editors are truly "top-end," whether they can truly do the job as well as their American counterparts.

Applicant: "Is the job still available?"

 

Recruiter: "Yes, it's still available. Do you have any copy editing experience?"

Applicant: "Well, I have lots of experience in copying. Only a little bit in editing."

Here's what Anne Wayman has to say on the Poynter Institute's website:

I guess I'm not surprised... certainly hope someone tracks the errors that show up and the ultimate failure of this test... sigh [Link]

Dr. Rajiv Medanki, on the other hand, offers a view many Indians probably share:

Why is it that when Americans want to sell without restriction cars, computers and soft drinks to the rest of the world it is called "free trade", but when Indians sell communication skills and software expertise to them it is called "job outsourcing" ?

I think the point about free trade is that people are free to get the best value for the commodity they want to buy or sell. You do the things you are good at, and we will do likewise. We Indians did not complain when Coca Cola put our biggest soft drink manufacturer out of business, so quit whining when our English-speaking graduates compete with your copy editors. [Link] 

In other words: Don't complain. Our copy editing skills are at least as "high-quality" as your Coke.

 

Breaking news: Nader agrees to run against Mugabe

As world leaders call on President Robert Mugabe to postpone Zimbabwe's upcoming election, following the withdrawal of his only opponent, Ralph Nader has agreed to run against Mugabe.

Nader's unexpected candidacy will help restore some credibility to the election, experts say. "It's a win-win situation," said Simon Ndlovu, political science professor at New York University. "Mugabe needed someone to run against. And Nader has always wanted to expand his presidential campaign to other countries."

The election was meant to be a runoff between Mugabe and opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai. But Tsvangirai withdrew from the race earlier this week, citing widespread violence against his supporters. Mugabe, facing criticism from Queen Elizabeth, Nelson Mandela and others, is believed to have reached out to Nader privately.

Nader ran for U.S. president in 1992, 1996, 2000 and 2004, and intends to run again this year, unless he is elected president of Zimbabwe.

Speaking at a press conference, the 74-year-old denied that he was a token candidate, stressing his intention to win the election. Referring to Mugabe as "the old man," Nader said he would bring a "fresh, youthful perspective" to the presidency.

Asked to distinguish himself from Mugabe, Nader was blunt: "My head isn't in the sand."

Noting that Mugabe has ruled Zimbabwe for 28 years, Nader promised to introduce term limits. "In America, presidents are limited to two terms or eight years," he said. "But Zimbabwe, as we all know, is plagued with inflation."

Nader has received a powerful endorsement in his bid to unseat Mugabe: Barack Obama. "Let me just say this," Obama said at a campaign stop in Detroit. "Nothing would make me happier than to see Ralph Nader elected as president of Zimbabwe. I think we can all agree that he would be an improvement over Robert Mugabe. It would be a great outcome for Zimbabwe and, obviously, a great outcome for America."

'We are all educated, nice people' -- UPDATED

Mahender and Varsha Sabhnani, the Long Island couple who enslaved and abused two Indonesian women, will be sentenced on Thursday and Friday respectively in federal court. According to a New York Times article, Mahender may be sent to prison for five or six years, with his wife getting 12 to 15. I'd like to see Mahender get at least 10 years, even if the poor guy has already served 27 years of being married to Varsha.

He may not have committed the atrocities himself, but he was aware of what was going on and could have stopped it. Come to think of it, the couple's children are also culpable to a lesser degree. Their oldest child, Pooja Sabhnani, tries to defend her parents in the Times article.

She said of the workers, “We got them Christmas presents. I got them sneakers from K-Mart. They said we didn’t give them winter coats. They had coats.”

She continued: “They said we never brought them out. We took them out in the snow. We took their picture and explained to them, ‘We are taking your picture. When you go back, you’ll get this picture. We’ll give the picture to you, and you can bring it home so you can show your children that you saw snow.’ ” [Link]

So the workers did get to go outside -- on one occasion when it was snowing. Varsha was probably in a good mood that day. "Come outside and see the beautiful snow," she said. "And don't come back inside until it's all been shoveled."

What's particularly galling to me is the attitude of one of the Sabhnanis' friends.

“This case is very frightening for Indian families here,” said Bharat Jotwani, a wealthy friend of the Sabhnanis’ who lives nearby. “We are all educated, nice people. We came here to make it.” [Link]

He's quoted again at the end of the article:

“There is no way on earth any Indian family in the United States could do what they were accused of,” he said. “The [Indian] people I know here all feel this way. Anybody from India who has come here comes from a very good family.” [Link]

No way on earth? Jotwani is obviously not keeping his eye on the police blotter. Doesn't he know that Indian-Americans are starting to excel in yet another field?

UPDATE: Varsha Sabhnani has been given a 11-year prison sentence and ordered to forfeit the family  home. The judge didn't follow the federal sentencing guidelines, which called for 12 to 15 years behind bars. The lies letters must have helped. Mahender has been sentenced to 40 months in prison, less than four years. It's like he's going off to college, except with no exams and better food.

Ramesh Ferris continues his heroic journey

Ramesh Ferris, the polio survivor who's hand-cycling across Canada, reached Winnipeg last week and spent a few days here. My family and I were among a small group of people who welcomed him at The Forks, a downtown attraction, after he received a police escort through the city. Those are my two daughters -- 6-year-old Lekha and 4-year-old Divya -- in the picture with Ramesh.

It was a good educational experience for them -- and will continue to be one. Whenever they see the photo, they will ask me about Ramesh and I will tell them his story, how polio paralyzed his legs, but didn't keep him from making a difference in the world, from being a hero.

It was truly a pleasure to meet Ramesh, who is raising money to fight polio and help other survivors, many of whom are not as lucky as him (see my earlier post on Ramesh here). 

In his latest blog entry on the Cycle to Walk website, Ramesh writes about a greeting he received from a family he would have preferred not to meet:

The temperature reached +27 making today the hottest I’ve ever hand-cycled in my life. It’s nice to hear the CB radios are working and truckers are talking to each other about Cycle to Walk. Mid-morning, the team reached the longitudinal centre of Canada - what a great accomplishment that was. I was greeted by my first black fly this morning, and then later in the day I met the entire black fly family, Those blacks flies showed so much excitement at the teams arrival that they swarmed me for the remainder of the day as I hand-cycled. My excitement at meeting the first black fly of the journey has since dissipated. It’s amazing how quickly the scenery has changed from the flat prairies to trees, and rock cuts.

Today I consumed about 10 litres of fluids and felt physically great, which allowed me to comfortably hand-crank132 kms to Falcon Lake. This is the most I’ve ever hand-cycled at one time. I’m so thankful for the enroute team who worked very hard today ensuring that I was eating frequently and replenished my hydration pack often. [Link]

Let's see: he consumed 10 liters and did 132 km. That means his hand-cycle is giving him 13.2 km per liter. Not bad at all.

If you'd like to contribute to Ramesh's effort, you can do so here.

Column: Letter of Appreciation to Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger,

My name is Baldev Singh (no relation to Vijay) and I too play golf. You may have heard of me. Last month, I won the prestigious Iraq Open. Let me tell you, it was an amazing experience. I've never played on a course with so many bunkers. At first, I was reluctant to go to Iraq. But my friend Mahmoud said to me, "Don't worry, Baldev. Everyone has a blast there."

You must be wondering why Baldev, Iraq Open Champion, is writing you. Well, I heard you will not be playing again this year to recover from your knee injury and, on behalf of other professional golfers, I just want to say this: THANK YOU.

Thank you for giving us a chance. We know you could have kept on playing. You won the U.S. Open with an injured leg -- a torn ligament and two stress fractures -- and you could have won the British Open while lying on a stretcher. You could have made us look really bad. You could have made us read headlines like this: "Woods Wins British Open, Returns to Intensive Care Unit."

But instead, you decided to be a generous man. And we are very thankful for that. Phil Mickelson is so grateful, he plans to mention you in his autobiography "Almost the Best." David Toms is so grateful, he plans to compete in the British Open with the letters "DT" (Dedicated to Tiger) on his shirt. Vijay Singh is so grateful, he plans to donate 10 percent of his earnings this year to the Save the Tiger Fund.

Paul Varghese and the jungles of Africa

Dear Paul,

We enjoyed your recent performance on Last Comic Standing. It was really funny. We've enjoyed several of your previous performances. We think you're one of the funniest comedians alive. That's why we were thrilled when you mentioned the "jungles of Africa" on Last Comic Standing. It was a great moment for our continent, being promoted like that on American TV.

Ever since your performance, we've received thousands of calls from Americans interested in visiting our jungles and meeting Tarzan and Jane. To show you our gratitude, we'd like to invite you to Africa for a special "Jungle Comedy Tour." All the inhabitants of the jungle are eager to eat meet you.

Sincerely,

Michael Tembo

Tourism Coordinator, African Jungles

David Livingstone didn't discover Victoria Falls

Colleen Simard, a columnist for the Winnipeg Free Press, has written about a tribe of indigenous people in the Amazon who were recently photographed pointing their bows and arrows at a plane. They've apparently lived in seclusion all these years, far from what we consider civilization. Simard, who's a member of Canada's indigenous people, says she cheered for her "brothers and sisters" when she saw the story on national TV.

Some media reports said the tribe had been discovered. Discovered? Now wait a minute. The word discovery wasn't right in Columbus' day, and it shouldn't cut it today either.

The word "discovery" always makes me bristle. It's like we were hiding under rocks like crayfish or something. You're meeting up with a tribe of people, not plants or animals.

It also gives weight to the misguided idea we were just hanging around doing nothing, when actually we had our own governments, cultures, practiced ecological farming and hunting, and had villages and trading systems that spanned the country.

Primitive? I think not.

My interpretation of history is that our ancestors probably saw the newcomers coming from miles away. They probably checked them out pretty good, maybe for a few days or weeks. Then they decided to be friendly and help the newcomers out. It was our way, after all.

We didn't go around saying we "discovered" newcomers, although that's probably a more accurate explanation. [Link]

The word "discovered" doesn't sit well with me either. During my schooldays in Zambia, I learned about a host of European explorers who discovered parts of the world where people were already living.

The Scottish missionary David Livingstone was the chief discoverer of central Africa, walking great distances during his lifetime. He discovered the Zambezi River, he discovered Victoria Falls and he discovered sores on his feet.

Thankfully, his Wikipedia entry merely states that he was "the first European" to see the Victoria Falls, which is a far cry from discovering it. (If you're wondering who has the distinction of being the first Asian to see the Falls, it was some guy from India who didn't hire a good publicist.)

Wikipedia notwithstanding, Livingstone doesn't have to worry about his legacy as a discoverer. He is, after all, the subject of a book by Ben Alex called "David Livingstone: The Missionary Who Discovered Africa." The BBC website says that he "discovered a spectacular waterfall which he named 'Victoria Falls'." Wholesome Words credits him with discovering Lake Nyassa, Lake Moero, Lake 'Ngami, the upper Zambezi, Lake Tanganyika and Lake Bangweulu.

How did Livingstone manage to do so much discovering? The answer might be found in his diary:

November 17th, 1855: "Today, I had the good fortune of meeting a group of natives who took me to see a spectacular waterfall. Upon discovering the falls, I named it after Queen Victoria. Then I asked the natives if there was anything else they would like me to discover. 'Yes,' they said eagerly, and they took me to their village, where an attractive young woman invited me into her hut, saying 'I hear you want to make more discoveries, Dr. Livingstone.'"

Column: Obama makes history in more ways than one

Barack Obama has apparently clinched the Democratic Party's nomination for president, apparently gained enough delegates to ensure that he will run against John McCain to see who will spend the next four years looking totally incompetent.

I say "apparently" because you can never count out Hillary Clinton, even if it appears that she has dropped out of the race. She just never quits. That's why she's still married to Bill, when most women would have sent him packing after the 159th affair. "Let's keep trying," she says to him, words he's soon whispering into another woman's ear.

Yes, Hillary isn't a quitter. So don't be surprised if, between now and Aug. 25, when the Democrats hold their national convention, 100 Obama-supporting super-delegates mysteriously disappear, only to be discovered a year later at a commune in India, doing yoga and meditation.

But let's assume that Obama will be the nominee. It's important to pause and recognize the historical significance of this. It will be the first time in U.S. history that a major party has nominated a presidential candidate whose name begins with 'O.'

Obama is not only making history, he's opening the door for other 'O' candidates. Now you know why Oprah is so thrilled. And why there's so much excitement among the Irish. "It's wonderful," Irish cricketer Niall O'Brien said. "Everyone in Ireland is so happy that O'Bama won."

Indian-Americans Riot in Chicago, Houston and Atlanta

Workers in several cities around America, including Chicago, Houston and Atlanta, are picking up broken glass and other debris after thousands of Indian-Americans rioted over the weekend, celebrating 13-year-old Sameer Mishra's win in the National Spelling Bee.

"We've waited three years. Three long years," said Raj Bompalli, a 22-year-old college student who, along with four friends, set fire to a car on Devon Avenue in Chicago. "I just can't describe how happy I am."

"The spelling bee is our Super Bowl," said Abraham George, 27, who was so overjoyed, he ran through downtown Atlanta wearing nothing at all. "And we won it for the sixth time in ten years. Can you spell 'dynasty'?"

A large group of Indian-Americans gathered outside the Grand Hyatt in Washington D.C., where the spelling bee was held. They waved pictures of Mishra and past spelling bee champions, while singing, "We are the champions! We are the champions ... of the world!"

A young man named Mike Reddy took off his T-shirt to show his back tattooed with the names of former spelling bee champions. One name, that of 1988 winner Rageshree Ramachandran, went all the way around his body. On the left side of his chest was a drawing of 1999 champion Nupur Lala. "I love Nupur," he said. "As you can see, she's close to my heart."

This was the second time Indian-Americans have rioted to celebrate a spelling bee victory. They also rioted in 1999 when Lala won, ending a 11-year drought. "That's why we love Nupur so much," Reddy said. "She is the one who brought us back to the top. She's the one who returned us to glory."

Indeed, Lala was the first of six Indian-American winners over the last decade, with the biggest gap coming between Mishra and 2005 winner Anurag Kashyap. "We've really been spoiled," said Dr. Anil Jain, an ophthalmologist in Houston. "Every year, we expect to win. We're like the Kenyans in the marathon."

He noted that after the 2006 spelling bee, CNN ran a crawl that said: "Breaking News: Indian-American Doesn't Win Spelling Bee."

Chicago Police spokesman David McLoud said the riots would have been worse if the police hadn't been prepared for it. "We remember what happened in '99," he said. "That's why, whenever the National Spelling Bee comes around, we have a police presence in all the Indian neighborhoods."

Even so, police had to arrest more than a hundred Indian-American youths for vandalism. They used tear gas to break up a group of elderly women who were causing a disturbance at 1 a.m., banging chapathi pans together.

"It may look bad," McLoud said, "but let me tell you, the Spelling Bee Riots of 2008 were nothing compared to the Spelling Bee Riots of '99."